Fortune cookies used to be 80% of the fun in a restaurant. Delicious food, delightful company, all good things over the course of dinner finishing up with that classic dessert fun where everyone cracks open their cookies and reads aloud those words of wisdom. Because we’re crass Americans we’d typically add on our own phrase for kicks and giggles.
You shall receive a wealth of riches…in bed.
A beautiful, smart, and loving person will be coming into your life…in bed.
A lifetime of happiness lies ahead of you…in bed.
Now is the time to try something new…in bed.
I didn’t say it was creative, just typical. So typical for so many years I can’t seem to read a fortune now without adding the tagline in my head. Ack!
Anyway, for the last decade or so I’ve noticed a decline in fortunes. Not the cookies themselves – those are still crunchy sweet deliciousness and worth the gamble even now in my post-gluten days. But the fortunes? Those have gotten sort of…meh.
“A smile is your passport.”
“People are naturally attracted to you.”
“Your shoes will make you happy today.”
“A good way to keep healthy is to eat more Chinese food.”
Mmmkay.
It’s not like I’m looking for spiritual guidance from a cookie but these sound like they were written by someone halfway out the door to happy hour on a Friday night. Sure, it’s probably challenging to come up with profound fortunes after two centuries have gone before you, but surely we can do better than shoes. Shoes, for pete’s sake!
We’ll file this one under fortune cookie wisdom writing 101.
what ever happened to the good old line ‘on the front lawn with the whole neighborhood watching and a few cheering…
LikeLike
How about:
“Please visit MyCookiesFortune.com and enter code 472689 to receive your fortune.”
LikeLiked by 2 people
Bwahahahaha — perfect! Makes it much simpler to recycle those words of wisdom to as many people as possible.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They definitely have lost some of their sizzle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right?! And we all want just a little sizzle with our fortunes…
LikeLiked by 1 person
The funniest one I ever read (and like you, I add the tagline)…was “you’ll find yourself *in bed*” BWAHAHAHHA. I mean if one is without a partner, it’s possible one resorts to finding themselves in a private way, especially if one were sexually active for yonks before they were deprived of partners, but really? I did NOT take that cookie’s advice…
LikeLiked by 2 people
I guess the more fun (in a Russian roulette way) version would be to commit to doing whatever your cookie says *before* opening them.
LikeLike
You should write a free fortune quotes for them.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel like I’ve got some wisdom to offer! 😆
LikeLiked by 1 person
You definitely do.
LikeLike
But you can still add “… in bed” to those last 4 fortunes, making them much more enjoyable. The last time I had a fortune cookie at a restaurant, the little paper said, “Be happy you can pay the bill.” Really? They couldn’t come up with anything better? (And yes, you probably could add “… in bed” to that one, too.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Adding “in bed” does at least make me giggle. If I can’t get profound then I guess I’ll take the laugh. 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’ve noticed the same decline in fortune cookie fortunes and I find it disheartening, in bed. 😄
LikeLiked by 2 people
There’s nothing worse than being disheartened…in bed. 😆😂
LikeLiked by 1 person