There’s always this moment right before I write a soul crushingly honest post when I take a deep breath and remind myself I can do hard things. Like speak truth. Uncomfortable truth. The sort of truths we aren’t supposed to say out loud.
Like how my whole life’s been derailed.
I’m fighting the urge to put a disclaimer on this. You know, the one that goes Everyone’s struggling right now and plenty of people have it way worse than I do and I’m lucky to even have my family and I’d do anything for these kids. It’s that all-encompassing, selfless woman disclaimer we’re so used to stamping on things.
Now here’s the truth.
I never wanted to homeschool my kids. I was a great classroom teacher and I’m good at helping them with schoolwork, but I’ve always known that being together all day every day wouldn’t be an ideal learning environment for either one. Plus it wouldn’t be healthy for me. So you could say school in another location has been an important factor in our family dynamic.
Cue covid19.
I know all the right things to say here. It is what it is. We need to do our part to slow the spread. The world’s changed and we’ll have to rise to meet the challenge.
But knowing the right things to say hasn’t helped with this unsettling feeling of being off balance. The life I’d planned – loosely, yes, but there was still a general plan – exploded. I’ve been dropped head first into a life I didn’t choose and it’s…well, infuriating is a good word for it. My kids get frustrated by their limitations in this new world order and all I can think is I get it, this sucks, I HATE IT TOO.
Except adulting and responsibility and setting an example and making the hard calls. I’ll do this. I have to do this. But between you and me, this wasn’t part of the game plan.
Riddle from the Middle 
“There’s always this moment right before I write a soul crushingly honest post when I take a deep breath and remind myself I can do hard things. Like speak truth. Uncomfortable truth. ”
My Rav, Aaron Nemuraskii, taught me to separate and distinguish between truth and accuracy. The 2 concepts do not at all mean the same thing. If a person looks up at a blue sky and says the sky is blue – that’s an accurate statement. Truth, as it applies to people refers to their chosen path walk before God. A person who is Jewish has a completely different path walk than does that of an Xtian. Two different Gods.
The 2nd commandment of Sinai rejects as false the theological concept of monotheism. If only One God lives, as the Muslim faith categorically declares, then no reason exists for the 2nd commandment which forbids the worship of other Gods. The 1st Commandment of the Sinai revelation, the Name of the God of Israel … interestingly enough that Name its not even once referred to not in any Xtian Bible translation of the T’NaCH nor in the Muslim Koran! The 2 different religions therefore call upon other Gods.
The new testament reference to God as the Father, violates the specific Torah commandment not to compare the Name, (It can not be pronounced because it breaths a Spirit of life within the Jewish people. A Spirit aint a Word, irregardless that the Gospel of John declares otherwise.), to anything in the heavens, earth, or Seas! The traditional “path” of faith Yidden walk before HaShem goes by the name “Halacha”. Halacha according to traditionally observant Yidden defines “truth”. Clearly Goyim Xtians do not define truth as halacha because their path walk before their God – goes down a completel different path.
Therefore to employ the word “truth” without first supplying a credible definition how you employ this term, this logical fallacy the Talmud commentary made upon the Mishnaic Order of נזקים refers to as: “hanging a mountain by a hair”. Ancient Greek rhetoric rules the masses based upon the premise of hanging mountains by hairs. For example: Obama built his 2008 bid for the White House upon the mountain hanging by a hair of “C H A N G E”. Obama never made the least attempt to define this key vague term, upon which he hinged convincing the American people to vote him into the Office of POTUS.
“Now here’s the truth.
I never wanted to home-school my kids. I was a great classroom teacher and I’m good at helping them with schoolwork, but I’ve always known that being together all day every day wouldn’t be an ideal learning environment for either one. Plus it wouldn’t be healthy for me. So you could say school in another location has been an important factor in our family dynamic.”
This specific definition of “truth”, at least till Covid-19, defined Ms. Laura walk before her God. Israel its a tiny nation which many Great Powers seek to divide and conquer. The possibility of social distancing remains still possible when only 15 children learn in a class room. But in Tel Aviv where the density of Yidden makes class rooms much larger, public education addresses the identical problems which confront most public schools in the US.
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The toll this takes in general is real. The toll it takes on parents and their children, even more real. The toll taken on teachers who are also parents is another whole level. Sometimes, after we put a cherry on top of everything, we just want to slap it off! Hang in there. Be wise and vent as much as you can. Don’t let the steam build too much. These are truly challenging times.
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Venting is becoming important self-care these days. I hope everyone has people willing to listen supportively. You guys have been the best. 💛
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We all need our space to let it all out!
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I cannot agree with you more. It does profoundly suck.
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Amen to that.
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I so understand this. Homeschooling does suit some kids and some families – but many it doesn’t. Especially when it’s dumped on people suddenly like this. It’s not even proper homeschooling. It’s parents kind of trying to follow what others tell them to do. Not sure I can say anything else apart from I am so hoping it sorts itself out for you and your kids real soon. Sending you a hug.
That’s a beautiful photo.
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Thank you! Memories from fonder days when we visited family in the Outer Banks. They lived right on the sound (I think that’s what they called it) and the sunsets were stunning. They had two black labs that are living their best life as beach dogs! 🙂
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We homeschooled ONE child for ONE SEMESTER, and it’s the hardest thing I had ever done, including giving birth to her, until my husband died. Now living is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but homeschooling is right up there, running a close second. I hope you don’t feel bad for being SO DONE with something you aren’t allowed to be done with. We pull up our Big People Drawers and Do The Thing, but we’re allowed to throw Terrible Two Tantrums inside. Or, you know, to our friends, including our internet friends. HUGS
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Thank you, this really has made me feel better. Somehow hearing someone say you’re not a whiner, it’s okay to despise this situation because it sucks makes me feel not unreasonable. 🙂
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I would not want to be in your position these days – I think humans need breaks from one another to maintain mental and relationship health, so the enforced closeness and being put into a position not chosen has to be miserable. For all of you.
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Yeah, it’s a struggle. T got his license yesterday and that was thrilling — so thrilling he completely forgot that we’d prepared him with “you can go driving as long as you let us know where you are and no hanging out with friends.” His first request was to take his buddy to get food. UGH.
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The doctors are finally starting to speak up. Do the words “no” and “we are not ready” mean anything ? We need to fire our apprentice president.
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Thank goodness for that. I was starting to feel itchy about it then Sonjay Gupta put out his piece yesterday about why his family is opting to keep their girls home for now and reevaluate the decision in a month. Expert backup always makes me feel better even if it means nothing to the kids.
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If I didn’t think you’d drive up here and slap me silly, I’d tell you to work harder to make this “fun for everyone.” – That was the advice someone gave in the newspaper a week or so ago. I’m an optimist, a bright-side-seeker from way back, but this wasn’t the plan for my retirement. I can’t imagine your situation. I hope you all find a way to get through this.
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You know I’d probably be willing to cross state lines for that slap, Dan. “Make this fun for everyone” sounds like somebody who either a) has no kids or b) is built for this much togetherness. Yikes.
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I just wish people would understand that the isolation, togetherness, remote learning, remote work, etc. affects different people in different ways. You can’t just say “do this” and expect that to work.
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My daughter is a teacher at a high school that is doing distance learning in addition to having her 7 year old daughter with her full time also distance learning like a lot of people. It was a battle of wills.
She talked with one of her daughter’s friends and worked one day a week Olyvia is at their house and one day a week Hana is at my daughter’s . Tuesday and Thursday are the days. It helped both girls be less stressed and my daughter said just having the one day without Olyvia being constantly there really helped her cope. Maybe you could find a similar situation for your children
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You know, I’m a stay at home mom and have NO idea how people working jobs from home are managing to juggle this. I’ve got a teacher friend with four kids learning at three different grade levels as he tries to teach middle school remotely from home. I can’t even imagine how their ISP was stretched for that. It sounds like your daughter has found a way to make things work — if I could find another family isolating like we are this would definitely help.
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i’m a teacher who will be going back, at least at the beginning, as i teach at a private school, that plans to create small pods and spread out in buildings all over campus. i plan to teach outside most of my day, whenever possible, outdoor kindergarten has always been something i’ve been drawn too, but not ideally under these conditions. i also feel for you as the parent at home, now forced into this job,, that you never signed up for. like you, i know it’s not really the best situation for most people. (to say the least). hopefully we will never have a year like this again. i’m trying to think of it as our plans will continue at a later date, just delayed –
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That’s a great way to think of it, beth. Good luck with masked kindergarteners — sounds challenging, although mostly outdoor instruction is great for that age group. Ours go to a private school that’s beginning the year offering a hybrid in-person/remote program but after doing our best to crunch the data we’ve decided to start ours fully remote then reevaluate after a month. It’s a really hard choice to make when everyone in our house would love for them to go back…being a grownup is hard work.
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I can understand this totally. A degree of separation is often necessary for maintaining sanity. It’s okay to say do and write it too. You will manage it but there is an issue that needs to be acknowledged.
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I think sometimes it helps just to say it out loud so it’s not banging around in my head.
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Yes, let it out. That surely helps.
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