1. How could it be Friday again already?
2. Time is slippery right now. Things last forever but somehow fly by. It’s alarming.
3. This seems like a good reminder moment: Check your voter status at usa.gov.
4. Go on. Click over to make sure you’re registered and active.
5. Let’s say you’re not. You’ve never voted. You moved and forgot to register. You were mysteriously purged from the voter rolls. Whatever. What’s next?
6. Go to vote.gov to learn how to register in your state.
7. Some deadlines are only a month away so watch that slippery corona time.
8. The kids’ school sent a gentle reminder to basically say we’re all in this together. The choices your family makes affect everyone so please honor the spirit of partnership with healthy choices.
9. Can I get an AMEN?
10. This is the kind of adult solidarity I really need right now.
11. I’m not typically a censorship kinda gal but I’d even entertain the idea of locking down teen social media for the duration because if I have to hear so-and-so is out on a DATE one more time…
12. Dammit, people, make your kids stop posting this crap. Mine already think I’m an evil dictator.
13. Gracie’s over there licking a throw pillow right now.
14. Basically it’s 20% fabric and 80% dog hair so it’s pretty much like licking herself.
15. No, not that way, get your mind out of the gutter.
16. You know how sometimes you’re rolling right along and something slaps you silly?
17. I was scrolling instagram when an advertisement shouting “best face mask for men” caught my eye.
18. Best face mask for men?? Huh?
19. “Does this one make my chin look fat?”
20. “This makes my ears stick out.”
21. “Sure, the color’s nice, but I’m more of an autumn.”
22. For heaven’s sake.
23. I’ve spent precisely zero minutes looking for a “best” mask.
24. That’s not true, I’ve asked every glasses-wearing person I know if they’ve found one that won’t fog.
25. Spoiler alert: Nobody has.
26. I’ve found a horribly awkward workaround for the grocery store.
27. Important background information: I’ve reached a delightful age where I need glasses for both near and far. Technically I can see far away it’s just a little…fuzzy. And it hurts to focus. Whatever, it’s annoying, I use glasses.
28. Except I’ve tried ninety minutes in the grocery store, glasses fogging up with every breath. It makes me all rage-y. So here’s my workaround.
29. Glasses on: Change text size to visible-from-two-aisles-over. Load shopping list on phone. Start spotify playlist.
30. Hang glasses on shirt. Tuck into bra strap so I stop accidentally dropping them on the floor.
31. Put glasses on. Check produce. Take off. Repeat.
32. Put glasses on. Check weight on chicken package. Take off. Repeat.
33. Put glasses on. Price check cereal sales. Take off. Repeat.
34. You see a pattern, right?
35. Basically grocery shopping involves accepting senior citizen style without the discounts.
36. I weighed it out, though, and glasses olympics beats fogged up vision every time.
37. So who’s taking bets on how disastrous Labor Day will be?
38. I’ll go with a 20% bump in covid positives. Maybe twenty-five?
39. I dunno, let’s just say groups will gather, people will be dumb, and numbers will blow up. Again.
40. I’m seriously starting to doubt this whole commitment to “getting back to normal” thing.