1. I hear the self-care folks say it’s important to practice Yes.
2. So much of my day falls under No, though. It’s I can’t play ping pong, I’ve got to get dinner started. We can’t go get our nails done because of the ‘rona. You can’t hang out with your bestie/eat a pint of ice cream before dinner/buy five fabulous wigs you’ve spotted online. No no no no nonononono. Ugh.
3. So when Bear said she wanted to teach me a TikTok dance by God I SAID YES.
4. Okay, real talk. At first I thought are you freaking kidding me? I’m too old and tired to learn one of these little routines those boobalicious girls are posting. But I managed to pull myself together and go with yes because dammit, I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom and all that jazz. Plus sometimes you just gotta go with the flow, you know? This was my it’s-been-a-week-of-traumatic-terrorism-and-can-we-just-do-something-normal yes.
5. Cue hilarious dance lessons. Okay, mom, first you start off like UHH, like you wanna FIGHT? UHH. Really hit it. Then it’s “corvette corvette” like steering-wheel-gear-shift. Now you’ll turn left and POP POP, like “jet like that!”
6. Okay, hold up, you want me to do what now? Pop my butt? I don’t know, hon, I’ll try but I’m not sure my back will let me do that.
7. So then you’ll turn and go slo-mo with “why you walk like that why you talk like that why you walk like that” moves. So you mean “talk like that” like the chicken dance? Huh. Okay.
8. You’ll finish it off like this BOOM BOOM BOOM. Then there’s some freestyle at the end, I dunno how they’re doing that, just whatever. Whatever? Well, not sure my mom moves will kill it but I can do whatever.
9. Cue ridiculous attempts to capture this dance on camera without a) missing a move, b) looking deranged, or c) accidentally kicking a dog who wanders into frame. We got close enough so now I guess I’ll just prepare for that TikTok fame.
10. I know you guys are curious so I’m linking to this fun article called “The Best ‘Corvette, Corvette’ Challenges Right Now On TikTok.” It’s from December 7th so my dance debut won’t be on it but you can trust we were fabulous, obvs.