late night meanderings and such

[arriving in hell]
devil: first of all, let's do some ice breakers

me: this is worse than I imagined

— john (@mrjohndarby) September 23, 2021

I won’t lie. Big Covid Bonus comes from zero ice breakers over the last nineteen months.

I can't believe you guys are still watching videos. We just gonna forget what they did to the radio star?

— J 🐉 C (@thDRAGnrebOrN) September 23, 2021

I’m not the only one who sang this in their head, right?

Bike riders,

I have no idea what any of those arm signals mean so please just shout out what you're about to do.

— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) September 22, 2021

Me, every time: What is that? Right? Is that a right turn? Left? Dammit, just point already.

“Thank you all for your comments about how masks might traumatize children. You can pick your kids up after we complete our scheduled active shooter drill.”

— Jeff Timmer (@jefftimmer) September 18, 2021

PREACH.

I now know how it will all end for me

One of my kids will unplug my life support to charge their iPad

— kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) July 13, 2021

More likely their phones because OMG MOM I’M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF SNAPPING SOMEONE.

Why are only houses haunted?Why not apartments? Why not vans or campers or trailers or tents. Because ghosts are bourgie assholes that’s why.

— Lauren Hough (@laurenthehough) September 23, 2021

“Because ghosts are bourgie assholes” — bwahahahahaha!!!