1.  No guarantees, people, I’m in a weird place today.

2.  You know what I got a craving for late last night? Cake.

3.  Do you know how torturous it is for someone gluten free to randomly crave cake? It’s not like I can grab some from the cupboard and dig in.

4.  Okay, technically I could if a) I didn’t mind being up ’til midnight baking and b) I was the kind of person who stocked gluten free cake supplies in the pantry.

5.  Cue adding GF cake mix to shopping list.

6.  We put off cutting the cats’ nails for…well, for a bit too long as evidenced by scratch marks on my arms and legs.

7.  We finally tackled it last night. Kitty #1 did well, but kitty #2? He’s never once sat still for a nail clipping but this time he was a total gem.

8.  Talk about strange but hey, the nails are cut, I’ll take it.

9.  Then apparently Mia decided she felt spunky.

10.  Gracie plopped down by my chair and up hopped Mia. She stepped out onto Gracie’s back with one paw while bopping her head into the big fluffy dog then — I kid you not — bit her ear.

11.  This move screams Seven, but Mia?? I have no idea what got into her.

12.  ps – Our dogs are absolute saints when it comes to taking guff off these cats.

13.  Apparently sainthood is limited to the felines, though.

14.  We’ve had to put a baby gate at the top of our basement stairs.

15.  I know, I know, that goes against all the safety warnings but there’s no (human) babies around here.

16.  Anyway, Gracie’s developed a nasty habit of shoving her head into the basement’s hooded litter box.

17.  I’m sure none of you are shocked to learn she’s eating stuff out of there. That’s bad news in general, but the fact we use self-clumping litter makes it extra bad.

18.  I’ve caught Gracie staring forlornly at the gate several times a day but figured she’d made peace with her new limitations. Silly me.

19.  The cats have a midday lunch routine while pups snooze. I sprinkle Mia’s food into her slow feeder before closing myself in another room with Seven.

20.  Seven’s lunch is a three stage project. Lovey scritches: time for pets. Sweet praises: tell him what a Good Boy he is while he nibbles away. Feed Me, Seymore: Seven steps back, sits, and waits for me to roll him batches of kibble.

21.  Yes. Seriously.

22.  Eventually the pull of Mia lurking right on the other side of the door is too great and lunch is over.

23.  We do this every stinking day and Wednesday was no different. I came out, grabbed a bite to eat, and tried to get some stuff done before school was out.

24.  Suddenly my ears perked up. At first I couldn’t place what was bothering me about the noise. It was Gracie’s collar but it sounded…off. Like it’s too far away. And that can only happen if —

25.  I almost threw my back out whipping around but sure enough, there she was, waddling up the basement stairs with that goofy grin.

26.  Gracie stood there, proud as punch, staring at me from the wrong side of the baby gate.

27.  She must have read the cloud gathering on my face and decided to crank up the charm…next thing I know she was shoving her huge body up under the gate to reach me faster.

28.  While I stood there screaming OH MY GOD GRACIE, YOU’VE BEEN DOWN THERE FOR TWO HOURS, HOW MUCH LITTER DID YOU EAT???

29.  Narrator: We really have no idea how much litter she ate, fair reader, ’tis a mystery.

30.  Upside? Gracie isn’t exhibiting signs of distress so no emergency vet visits.

31.  Downside? Every time I want to go downstairs I have to deal with the freaking gate. Ugh.

32.  Mark easy access to the basement as one more Gracie casualty in our household.

33.  Along with multiple pairs of readers, one glasses case (at least I’m pretty sure she ate it, I can’t find the thing anywhere), sticks of butter during dinner prep, anything falling off the cutting board, and Post-It notes. Soooo many Post-It notes.

34.  The weather dropped into soup territory and I’m always down for that.

35.  White Chicken Chili one night and my mom’s turkey chili recipe the next. Man, I love soup season.

36.  I bet I’d love it even more if I could still eat buttery rolls but so it goes.

37.  We got our leaky shower fixed this week — hallelujah! — so I set out to clean the bathroom. Simple enough, right?

38.  Except there I am, an hour later, dipping Qtips in bleach and cleaning out a shower door liner. What in the hell?

39.  See, this is how I lose entire days. “I’ll just spray down the shower to clean while I work on the sinks. Except maybe I’ll wipe off this door guard. Okay, that stain actually runs the length of the door, I’ll have to pull out the gunk…there’s another guard running up the side, I need to hit that too. Geez, I should probably check along the top while I’m at it…”

40.  Things like this are why sometimes people come home and it looks like I haven’t done a damn thing all day. I’m convinced the kids think I watch Netflix and snack for seven hours — “Look at the shower grout!” I want to say, but I know better. Here’s wishing you a happy and grime-free weekend.