1.  Happy Friday. Let’s do some twitter funnies.

2.  And the Oscar goes to…

3.  Penguins. Butterflies. What’s not to love?

4.  Awww…

5.  Dogs, dogs, and more dogs.

6.  Not my usual cute fare but big props to mother nature.

7.  Seriously, who comes up with something like this?

8.  KITTEN RUSH.

9.  ‘Round and ’round the mulberry bush…

10.  Sound up!!

11.  Come on, man, I’d 100% work here.

12.  Who’s a huge guardian angel? YOU are.

13.  I’ve watched this a dozen times.

14.  Seven lies in wait so he can get his morning snuggles as the dogs pass through our basement.

15.  Another Gracie-esque goofball.

16.  Honestly, I think 99% of my twitter time is spent on dogs.

17.  It’s the ears flapping in the breeze for me.

18.  And now I’ll introduce you to one of my favorite cooking TikTok accounts. Except it’s from Instagram but still…same.

19.  These mashed potatoes, y’all.

20.  And who wouldn’t love this.

21.  Lest you think he only reacts to fantastic cooking…all I wanna say is you put WHAT in WHERE now?

22.  🀒

23.  Seriously, people, if you’re looking for a thirty minute sanity break I highly recommend Chef Reactions on TikTok. Gets me every time.

24.  After seeing an extraordinary array of cooking videos I’ve come to several conclusions.

25.  I’m a decent cook. Just saying.

26.  There’s a bizarre number of people who pour uncooked pasta around a block of Velveeta then toss it in an oven and call it a day.

27.  Powdered salt? Is that a real thing?

28.  What is up with these preppy couples who squeal at each other over how their cauliflower crust turned out.

29.  Also β€” and I ask this sincerely β€” why do the white people only have five spices in their arsenal? Salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and oregano. Five.

30.  Sometimes they’ll get a wild hair and out comes the paprika. Bless.

31.  Okay fine, then, you want to swear by a handful of spices, you do you. But I’ll need someone to explain why they won’t even use an adequate amount of those five.

32.  YOU CAN ADD MORE SPICE, SUSAN, THE DISH WON’T EXPLODE IF THERE’S ACTUAL FLAVOR IN THERE.

33.  Now, for your reading pleasure, a few guidelines I’ve embraced for my kitchen.

34.  Nothing should be cooked or baked or whatnot in its can. That godawful cake log made in the Pirouette can comes to mind.

35.  Only idiot TikTok-ers build a charcuterie board of artfully arranged ingredients only to scrape the whole mess into a blender. Don’t be an idiot TikTok-er.

36.  Good knife work involves tucking your fingers. It’s a miracle no one’s chopped off a finger on that app.

37.  90% of the time you can follow a foodie’s Doesn’t that look GOOD? question with a solid No, no it does not. Don’t fill the world with noise.

38.  Watching someone’s grandpa or nonna cook Sunday lunch are some of the best videos out there. I will die on this hill.

39.  Sear your meat on all four sides. Yes, it matters. No, it’s not “no big deal” since it’s all going in a pot anyway, treat your taste buds.

40.  Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. I’m looking at you, lady who wrapped meatloaf around a spaghetti noodle center. Here are the receipts because I know that sounds like some shit I made up.