Alrighty then, didn’t schedule a post last night, let’s get a #1liner put together.
[go to get laptop]
Shoot, I forgot Gracie’s pills, do her pills first.
Except I need to pee. Okay, pee first, then Gracie’s pills.
[walk toward bedroom]
Forgot my pills too. Okay, pee first, get my pills, do Gracie’s pills, take my pills. Still got this.
[walk to bathroom, pee, emerge to find Gracie chomping in her crate]
Dammit Gracie, what do you have???? Is that a coffee pod? Is it?! ARE YOU EATING COFFEE GROUNDS?!?!
[drag Gracie from the kennel, close her in laundry room, return to bedroom to survey damage]
[sigh] Gotta vacuum this up, go get the — shit. The vacuum’s in the basement.
I can’t wrestle that thing up the stairs, I’ll have to detach the wand and use the attachment thingy.
[commence wrestling of still-heavy vacuum upstairs which is where I learn slobbery coffee grounds are hard to vacuum no matter how hard I scrub]
Just leave the vacuum here, you can put it back later, but bring the attachment to clean it. Where was I? Get my pills, go get Gracie’s stuff ready.
[dissolve Gracie’s first pill, wrap up another, meet her in the laundry room]
Yeah, I don’t feel even a little bit bad about shooting this medicine into your mouth. Stealing coffee pods off my counter…eating them in your crate…you can just swallow the medicine and no complaining from you missy.
[take my own pills and have a slap-the-forehead moment. google “are coffee grounds toxic to dogs”]
Shit. Dammit. Son of a &*$$!!@@!!
[dial vet and get put on hold with terrible music I can sing along to by now because GRACIE. cue vet receptionist]
Hello, can I help you?
Hi, this is Laura Hargrove, I’m calling about Gracie…
[brightly] Oh hi, Mrs. Hargrove! How are you?
Pretty much dying that you know us so well. Anyway, the good news is Gracie’s responding really well to the meds, her gut issue is better than it’s been in months. The bad news is I caught her eating a coffee pod this morning so I’m wondering what to watch for.
Oh no! Gracie!! How much do you think she ingested?
I can’t imagine that much, there was a lot on the crate bed and carpet, how much is even in one of those pods anyway? She ate maybe a teaspoon or two? No more than three, I’d think…
[commence blessedly silent hold while she confers with the doctor. start a #1liner post because why not]
Mrs. Hargrove? Would you be able to bring her into the G Street office?
Yes, they’re going to have to induce vomiting. It’s the caffeine.
[deeeeep sigh] Of course I can. I’ll throw on some clothes and bring her now.
[get dressed and start cursing the fact I didn’t grab a shower when I rolled out of bed]
Okey dokie, Gracie, let’s go for a riii —
[I’d barely started the word when I realized my mistake. Phoebe planted her furry butt in front of me, bright eyes laser focused on my face, pleading that she too be allowed to go on the R-I-D-E because I’d taken Gracie on so many lately and she never ever gets to go…]
Yep. Let’s get both leashes then. You can come along, Phoebe, but you’ll have to wait in the car.
[leash them, pee them — because I’d 100% prefer not cleaning urine off my cargo mats again — and load them up for the super duper exciting ride to the vet for induced vomiting]
Okay, Phoebe, wait here. Gracie, let’s head in and try not to jump on any unsuspecting — whoa! Sorry, sorry, is this okay? Is your dog good with other dogs? I’m so sorry, Gracie’s all about making all the friends all the time and…
[get Gracie’s weight — up two pounds, woo hoo! — and hand her off to one of her very favorite vet techs]
I’m back, Phoebe, let’s put the windows down and take the long way home.
[get home, unload doggie and let her outside, pull stuff from crate and throw it into the washing machine, check teacher emails, field kiddo’s texts about college zoom meetings, then remember I still have to make Gracie’s chicken]
[almost every evening]
BrightSide: How was your day?
me: I dunno, hon, I just don’t know where the hours go. I can’t ever seem to get my To Do list cleared.