CONTENT WARNING: Today’s blog includes a great deal of Gracie gastric distress info. Nothing terrible, this girl is naughty but so far indestructible. Still, if you’re poop sensitive while eating then you might want to come back later.
1. It’s been a rocky September.
2. I had good intentions. You need to be writing. It makes you feel better. Just do the thing, man.
3. And here I am staring at a 50% publishing rate — maybe.
4. I wouldn’t put money on that percentage but who really wants to count out the calendar squares and do the math?
5. Not me. Not today.
6. Anyway, the point is I had such big plans a couple of weeks ago. Write every day. Put it on the blog.
7. Well, putting it like that makes it look like not such Big Plans™. Makes it look pretty simple, actually, so why can’t I get it dooonnnneeeee.
8. Let’s catch you guys up on Gracie since I guess that’s where I’ve lost most of my time this month.
9. I’ll lead with she’s doing okay. She’s a happy girl, never happier than when she’s stealing something she’s not supposed to have so basically same as she ever was.
10. We reran labs on Wednesday and — wait, quick September recap.
11. We ran her fecal sample at the beginning of the month for, well, poop problems. Started steroids, antibiotics, and something else for intestinal bleeding because It Is All Good Times Right Now.
12. Cue overnight poop problems. It was…not good.
13. Welcome to Gracie’s first emergency vet appointment of September 2022. She’s a frequent flyer.
14. Ultrasound, meds tweak, and a saint of a vet who asks for daily updates with poop pics by text. SAINT, I tell you.
15. Improvement, improvement, a week of slow but steady improvement then BAM. Gracie eats a Keurig pod.
16. Eh, how bad could that be, she’s sixty freaking pounds, it’s a tiny coffee pod. Answer: it can be bad.
17. Cue second emergency vet appointment to induce vomiting and run more labs. Pick her up with the warning that caffeine exposure can trigger — wait for it — vomiting and diarrhea. Looks like we’re starting the slow and steady process again.
18. The daily poop text updates reset to ground zero.
19. Gracie starts getting better and better then BAM. The next week she gets her furry paws on a Meloxicam or three and we’re off to the races.
20. How bad could it be, she’s sixty pounds, it’s not like she ate a whole bag of freaking Advil or something. Answer: a dosage over 5mg can be bad.
21. This dog is surely trying to kill herself. Or me. Or both of us, I don’t know anymore.
22. Cue third emergency vet appointment to onboard fluids and alter meds. Quick halt to the steroid, start two week run of Pepcid to protect her gut.
23. Shocking no one, I’m sure, we drop to zero on the Poop Progress scale.
24. My god, the vet must hate me and my daily text updates by now.
25. Through some sort of miracle Gracie comes through without a major crash and starts — again — her upward baby step progress on the poop scale.
26. I figure that lab recheck this week is gonna be a breeze until Gracie abruptly returns to Puddle Patty Poop Status™. I think I should trademark that one for real.
27. Side note: I’m betting none of you predicted this blog topic. I sincerely hope you weren’t eating breakfast when you started. Come to think of it, I’ll add a warning to the top. We keep things real here on the blog.
28. The lab recheck was for all intents and purposes routine. Gracie routine, if you know what I mean.
29. Her Poop Progress Collapse and lab results landed her back on the steroid, round two of an antibiotic, and still finishing out the Pepcid. Which is where we are now.
30. Today is September 30th and I’m praying, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, could we please just make it into October without another emergency vet visit.
31. I mean, I love our vet. Truly.
32. Besides being a wonderful place filled with glorious people that Gracie adores there’s a doctor there who has spent a solid month checking Gracie’s poop via text with her morning coffee.
33. I should probably send her a fruit basket. Or chocolate. Or booze. Basically anything that says you are going above and beyond whatever Hippocratic Oath vets follow.
34. I’m genuinely shocked they haven’t politely told us to find another vet to service this freaking dog. Everyone there swears they love her but seriously…
35. I cannot do another September visit. I just can’t. For my sanity, for the bank account, for all of the things, I can’t.
36. I’m thinking maybe I’ll just bubble wrap the dog and escort her through common areas at all times so I can make it to freaking October.
37. Small goals.
38. Now that I put it all out there not being able to publish every day on the blog seems a lot more logical.
39. And that’s just the dog stuff. I won’t lie, I’ve got plenty of my own crap going on.
40. It is Good Times All The Time. But hey, at least I managed a 40 Things post. That’s a big plus in my September column.