So I have this thing happen the week after Thanksgiving and it’s kinda gross. Seriously. The more I think about it the more I think Laura, what in the hell are you doing writing this. Prepare yourself.

My entire mouth explodes with canker sores. Every year. Without fail.

That’s not hyperbole either — my literal entire mouth combusts into flame-y aggravation until I collapse into a ball, give up food entirely, and start wasting away. Well, not exactly wasting, I had vanilla ice cream for dinner last night so let’s not pretend I’m some sort of martyr. Although eating ice cream still hurt. And there were people eating delicious salty french fries so…

I digress.

I won’t horrify you with all the gory details other than to say my upper right quadrant is the only area that somehow escaped this wrath but seeing as there are two ugly canyons on my lower right side and chewing means the bringing together of upper and lower teeth…well, in the end suffice to say one quadrant isn’t enough.

Also, having the side of your tongue scream in pain while you talk is a special sort of hell I wouldn’t wish on 99% of the hateful people in the world. Don’t judge me for the 1%, I’m just keeping it real. And yes, I’m doing the Q-tip dipped in peroxide thing so patience will win out. It’s just that my patience is oh so thin the week after Thanksgiving.

Stress. The gift that keeps on giving.

For my people who are reading this delightful post, if you’re wondering oh no is it me I say this: If you’re my ‘people’ people (that sounds better in my head but onward) then you know good and well you’re not causing my canker sores so don’t be silly. Just say a prayer this passes before Christmas gatherings.