SoCS – it’s an occupational hazard

Occupational hazards abound, though they vary greatly from job to job.  Everything from life threatening to nonsensical to nonsensically life threatening…there are precisely zero occupations that present zero hazards.

Let’s play Name That Occupation.

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Q:  Highest risk of death by lion.

A:  Circus lion tamers.  Or safari guides who take ridiculously stupid tourists out into the wild.

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Q:  Most likely to experience maiming by oak, pine, fir, or Black and Decker.

A:  Logging workers.

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Q:  Highest risk factor for infected paper cuts.

A:  Postal worker or any position in a corporate mailroom.

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Q:  Most frequent episodes of getting a contact high.

A:  Home Depot paint counter attendant.

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Q:  At greatest risk for contracting a urinary tract infection.

A:  Teachers.  (That’s one they don’t tell you about in college.)

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Q:  Highest incidence of hearing loss over time.

A:  Rock concert technicians, airport traffic directors (those orange stick guys on the tarmac), and sound quality experts for Beats headphones.

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Q:  Most likely to lose a thumbnail and keep on working.

A:  Construction workers.

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Q:  More than 50/50 chance that you’ll be caught in some bizarre meltdown moment and posted to YouTube for viral sharing.

A:  Flight attendant.


Linda’s stream of consciousness post is a weekly treasure.  This week’s prompt is “a word that starts with oc.”

SoCS – resolution/ruining my life, po-tay-to/po-tah-to

Resolution’s such a loaded word this time of year.  I’m tempted to look back at last year’s post, say, around New Year’s Eve, but what if I find I broke my track record and made some 2017 resolutions?  Worse yet, what if I blew them off?

Ignorance is bliss.

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SoCS – we believe in magic, but sometimes there’s gotta be a limit

You’ll never believe what my kid did yesterday.  It’s not like they’re tiny tots anymore, they know how this Christmas thing goes, and we are a family who believes in the magic of Christmas.  We Believe.

But we’re also realists.

We ask the kids to give us ideas for Christmas but limit them to four categories.  The whole want/need/wear/read thing works for our family, so they give us suggestions for those.  Then I slide a surprise in their stocking ‘cuz, you know, Christmas.

But a week ago T-man came to us and asked if he could change his Want because, well, whatever, just because.  Nope, sorry fella, too late.

But yesterday he comes out of his room at 9:00 at night to say hey, listen, there’s this new game that just got released –

Are you freaking kidding me??

Yes, we believe.  Yes, Christmas is magic.  But you cannot change/adapt/amend your Christmas wish list three days before The Day.  Dude.  I get this happening at five or seven or even nine, but not now.

Sorry, man, but this Santa is flat out of miracles.  Plus I just might lose my mind if I go anywhere near a shopping center today.


Linda’s stream of consciousness prompt drops on Saturdays.  This week’s prompt was to start my post with “yule,” “you’ll,” or “Yul.”

SoCS – English major affliction

I can’t hear the word contrast without thinking about compare/contrast, as in “Compare and contrast character motivations in Pride and Prejudice as they relate to the patriarchal society of the era.”

Yeah, like that.  It’s probably an English major affliction.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my major, but there was something about those blue book exams that caused a sweaty panic in even the coolest cat there.  And I wasn’t the coolest cat there.

After years of fielding questions about compare/contrast, you start to see everything in relation to each other.  Shades of blue, sliding temperatures in winter, fiction versus nonfiction, personality traits.  Types of cars, life stages, hobbies, movies, types of glue.

Holy crap, my mind is blown.  Nothing stands alone.

I guess if I had to pick my favorite thing to contrast it would be ice cream.  ‘Cuz, you know, ice cream.

And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.


Linda’s weekly stream of consciousness is a writing adventure for Saturdays.  This week’s prompt is “contrast.”

SoCS – click. click. click.

No, it’s not the annoying sound fake nails make on the table when someone’s tapping nervously, though it does grate on the nerves just as badly.

Click-click-click.

Click-click-click.

Click-click-click.

Those damn middle school cliques.

We consider ourselves endlessly blessed that Bear hangs with a strictly no drama llama crowd.  She loves her friends, she loves her team, and overall I’d say middle school is off to a good start.  But a middle school without girl cliques only exist in another dimension and we’re stuck smack dab in this one.

This means that occasionally my no drama llama shows up hating her hair or her clothes (yes, all of them) or the fact that she doesn’t own twenty pairs of shoes.  She doesn’t look like everyone else (hello, that’s a good thing) or have those name brand labels or is rolling in dollas.

In other words, she’s normal.  And normal tends to clash with cliques.

I have this recurring dream where I get to go into the middle school and meet with girls.  No, not a brass knuckles sort of meeting…but maybe if we could just sit them in a room…small groups, facing each other without their posse to hide behind, talking honestly until we chip away at some of the walls these girls build around themselves…well, maybe we could make some progress with the cliques.


Linda’s stream of consciousness post is our Saturday fun.  This week’s prompt was to use a word with “liqu” in it.

SoCS – the opposite of impermanent

The ink was permanent.  P-e-r-m-a-n-e-n-t.

An errant Sharpie seemed like the perfect tool for my kid’s class project (because why on earth would you want to use a regular marker or highlighter when you can use ink that will NEVER COME OUT?).  I should qualify that it seemed like the perfect tool to them because mama didn’t raise no fool and there was no way I’d put a permanent marker in my kid’s hand, upper elementary age or not.

Sheesh, kid, use a marker.

But no.  It was Sharpie.  Which made for a striking class project but also left a big (okay, a two inch) black line on my office desk.  A big fat black line of marker that would be there forever and ever amen.

I guess I should mention the office desk was the first piece of truly “nice” furniture BrightSide and I bought.  It was, you know, a desk grown ups would own.  I might have been overly invested in the concept, though, seeing as I may have lost a teeny tiny bit of my sh*t when I saw the Sharpie mark.

To my credit, though, I did apologize later for overreacting.

Yet there was still a part of me thinking, “It had to be permanent ink?!  Really??”


Linda’s Stream of Consciousness prompt is my Saturday writing treat.  This week’s prompt is “ink.”

SoCS – a whole pocket full of psst

psst

[chatter chatter chatter]

PSST

[chatter chatter]

PSST! 

But –

Psst.  

But I –

I got a whole pocket full of PSST just for you.

It’s my favorite way ever to shut down the noise.  The chatter.  The incessant wah-wah-wah when I.am.trying.to.speak.

The students who simply won’t settle down for reading group.  The kids when they’re rolling at a hundred miles an hour and don’t hear a word I’m saying.  The adults who bully their way through a meeting – just kidding.  That pocket full of psst comes out loud and clear, but only in my head.  Maybe someday, though…

I find the psst most effective when it’s short.  Sharp.  Explosive almost.  Usually accompanied by a quick snapping shut of two fingers and a thumb.  BOOM.  Time to Shut That Mouth.

Yeah.  Sometimes it’s like that.


Linda’s stream of consciousness prompt is a weekly blog event.  This week’s prompt is “psst, or any other attention-getting noise or word.”