** While the foster system has its heart in the right place there are some pieces that jam up the works. They provide stipends to foster parents, but there doesn’t seem to be accountability when it comes to following the money. One of the complaints bio moms had on the Facebook site was that foster parents were splitting their checks among their foster and biological kids, and now that we’re staring down the holidays? It’s a tightrope.
** T-man: “Well, I guess Instagram’s gonna light up.” me: Why? T-man: “Because it’s about to be Christmas and everyone will post pics of what they got.” me: Uhhh…
I’m open when it comes to perspectives on adoption. About a million years ago (or so it feels) I came into this learning about what they call the adoption triad – adoptee, birthparent, and adoptive parent – but that’s merely an attempt to create terminology for an extremely complex situation. Often the lines are far too blurred for such simplistic language.
Now, I have to admit my own worldview was overly simplified for years. We wanted children to be part of our family, for their own reasons the birthparents wanted another family to raise their children, and these two longings merged to create our life.
I wasn’t delusional, I knew not every adoption triad was this straightforward since the possibility for complications is endless. Open or closed, unrelated or familial, age of adoption, domestic or international…and those are only the ones that come to mind. But it wasn’t until the last few years that I started hearing more about the anti-adoption movement.
And that, I must admit, came as a bit of a surprise.
Some things go unspoken. There are certain things we hide away because we believe – no, we know – everyone will think we’re hideous simply for having the thought. Because what mom would ever think that about her kids?
Then again, some things should see the light of day.
Sometimes it’s hard not to feel isolated in the adoption community. Like you’re drowning in your struggles. Adoptees, birthparents, adoptive parents, extended family – we’re all tiptoeing through the minefield, looking around to see if anyone’s noticed the train wreck we survived.
But we are not alone.
Conversation around adoption seems fraught with compare and contrast. The push and pull of biological and adoptive moms lurks under the surface, no matter how open minded and enlightened you are. It just is. But when I started really thinking about it, we’re much more alike than different.
Two kinds of women, too often placed on different sides of the fence. Just look at how much we have in common.
Major. Writer’s. Block.
Today’s post is supposed to be about birthfathers – it says so right there on the blog calendar. The way they’re ever present even through the longest absences, the questions that linger, how the struggle is more challenging for T-man…
But I’m sitting here, pen in hand, utterly unable to string together a series of coherent thoughts today. Looks like we’re going with stringing plain old regular thoughts.
I’ve tried to approach Forever Family posts from different viewpoints, to make them a diverse look at adoption issues overall. But in the end they’ve naturally been written from an adoptive parent’s perspective (aka mine). Even my posts discussing things the kids struggle with are still second hand – my interpretation of their experience.
I thought I might look for some firsthand resources to explore today.
Lately I’ve been thinking about my younger days.
See that sweet face? (Yeah, BrightSide, too.) How innocent, how naive…ready to go along to get along, keep the peace, calm the waters no matter what.
Well, lately I’ve been thinking about what I’d tell that 20-something me.