Time for another peek inside my head. It can get a little squirrelly in there (don’t believe me? you can check out “take a peek, part 2” here)…just hang on for the ride.
This one will be full on rant.
So I know the mother bond is supposed to be life changing. A birthmother’s strength in sacrifice, an adoptive mother’s steadfast love…two women coming together to create a life for a child that rings strong and true. When you look at it that way the whole thing sounds rather kumbaya.
Man, real life can get messy.
Because you know what tips me over the cliff in a heartbeat? I mean something that rates a blood boiling, heart rate accelerating, steam rising from my head sort of response?
When T-man’s birthmother questions my motives or decisions while raising this child.
It’s all well and good to have your own life stuff going on – don’t we all? – but you have for real got to separate that shit out from the relationship we are working so hard to maintain here.
Just like I have no idea what it’s like to walk in her shoes, she has absolutely no idea what it’s like to parent this child. To be there for him, day after day, no matter what he throws at me. To double down when I’m ready to give up because this parenting thing can be so freaking hard and nobody can prepare you for the endless grind of it all.
That parenting a child is nothing like childbirth. Bringing a baby into this world is full of highs and lows and God knows what else, but raising up a human being can be an in the trenches, gunfire blazing, waiting for the next bomb to drop sort of experience that rolls right over you. And all you can do is bob to the top to wait for the next wave.
So don’t tell me I’m being selfish or on a power trip or we’ve used you or whatever other bullshit you’re peddling today. I’ve got my hands full here and don’t have time to teach you how to disagree respectfully.
I don’t need kumbaya…but I do need an adult relationship.
And that’s my peek for today.