intervention for special snowflakes – all together now: “mess up, ‘fess up”

Generations pass through one by one.  The Greatest Generation, Baby Boomers, Generation X, the MTV Generation, Generation Y…each one’s characteristics become steadily less flattering as the years progress, eventually evolving into Gen-Y teens and young adults in the world today.

Now we’re looking at a group of kids tentatively labeled Generation Z.  Children born after 2000, a group sometimes referred to as Generation ADD due to their inability to concentrate longer than a few seconds on anything.  Kind of like gnats, only with bigger feet and appetites.

Now I’m not rocking on the porch, sipping lemonade and longing for the good old days, but there’s some stuff going down with the kids.  Stuff that’s gonna come back to bite us in the end.  It seems our only option is intervention.

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my 20 givens

“Al’s father is 45.  He is 15 years older than twice Al’s age.  How old is Al?”

Let’s say Al’s age = x.  We also know that 45 is 15 more than twice Al’s age, so we need to transfer each part into math speak.  

Al’s age is x, so twice Al’s age is 2x, and 15 more than twice Al’s age is 15 + 2x.

Oh, finagle.  Check it out here if you’re interested.

Here are some of my givens in life, ones of the non-word problem sort.

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six inch or footlong?

Some of my early W2 jobs were real winners – tough hours, long shifts on my feet – but hey, they provided a paycheck which is what it’s all about.  #7jobs laid out my early efforts to earn money and the sorts of categories they typically fell in.

That first string of jobs landed me in kids, ice cream, movies, ice cream, camera/Hallmark store, Subway, and kids.  Anyone else notice some recurring themes?

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solving the stink mystery

This is so not a post bemoaning the life of a stay-at-home mom.  Just trust me on that, please. Click over because this mama is on point when it comes to being real.

Like, for real real.

This is snort-out-loud funny.

We clean things so they can be destroyed right before you drop by.  I don’t mean to brag, but my kids are capable of making my house a major health code violation in ten seconds flat. Sometimes I think about posting pictures of what my house looks like when it’s clean – just for reference.

Welcome to my home.  Here is a picture of what my house looked like one time last week.  It could also look like this more often if I had 47 maids and manservants.

Due to a current cash flow problem, we have had to reduce our Downton Abbey staff size.

Please come back in 25 years to see it like this again.

Thank you.”

What do stay-at-home moms do all day? – Motherly

it’s go time

It’s been a long and winding road.  One that stretched for miles, really…up hills and into valleys, across deserts and mountains, through snow covered fields and along the coast until a glowing horizon finally signaled day’s end.

It’s Election Day in America.  Amen, hallelujah, pass the butter beans.

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Words Crush Wednesday – quiet courage

“Courage doesn’t always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.”

– Mary Anne Radmacher

So many of us need this reminder.  I need this reminder.  Shoot, I ought to print this out in four inch font and tape it to my headboard so every single night I’d see it before ending my day. Maybe then I’d remember:

I was enough today.

I may not have gotten it all done, but I did get something done.

The people who love me think I did great.

The people who love me know I’ll do great tomorrow.

They’re all good days, even the impossible ones.  You just have to look.

Tomorrow I will begin again.


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Words Crush Wednesday Challenge

15 ways you know you’re old as dirt

“Life is like a hot bath.  It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.”
– author unknown

 

15 signs you’re aging toward the golden years

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Your daughter is genuinely distraught when you wear a short skort.  But mom, it’s so SHORT! But mom, you’re a MOM!  But mom, you’re so…OLD!  Ummm, yeah.

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Hair appointment scheduling shifts.  You move from biannual trims to appointments every other month.  You add highlights or maybe some color.  Eventually covering the gray is a real time commitment.  At first you color every six weeks, then every five, then monthly.  Eventually you’ll be one of those ladies showing up for her weekly hair appointment.  Bless.

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The floor is much further away than it once was.  Now an item’s weight factors heavily into whether you move it.  The horrifically heavy planter?  It doesn’t look so bad in that corner when you think about what it will take to move it across the room.

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Suddenly it’s entirely possible to pull a muscle walking the dog.

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Picking up that dropped pencil is a conscious decision.  There’s three more right there on the counter…is it really necessary to get all the way down to that floor?

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Fiber becomes a critical part of your diet.

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Sensible shoes make up the majority of your footwear.

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A typical day finds you in everything from tank tops to fleece, shorts to sweats.  Often a day’s wardrobe is comprised of a series of layering – fleece top on, sweats off.  Add sweats then change to tank.  Put fleece back on before stripping to tank and shorts.  It’s like existing in an igloo that periodically bursts into flame.

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You develop gorilla arm syndrome.  Anything without large print is held at arm’s length and tilted toward the light in an attempt to decipher ridiculously small words.

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Creaking and cracking sounds no longer send you sprinting to the doctor.

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The dermatologist now says delightful things during your exam like “Hmmm…well, I see something here, but it’s symmetrical and a good color…nope, that’s a typical age spot.”

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Shaky hands don’t necessarily mean you’re nervous anymore.

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People look at you curiously when you fall asleep in public.  Interestingly enough, you don’t give a damn.

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A black hole appears in your home.  One that only attracts keys, wallets, purses, lipstick, single socks, and the occasional Post It note.

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If someone interrupts you mid sentence there’s a 96.5% chance that two minutes later you’ll have no idea what you were saying.

mere mortals can medal, too

A post on events for the average human because we still can’t get enough of the Olympics, even as Halloween draws near.  (Otherwise known as: I earmarked this two months ago and completely forgot to repost it but DAMN, we could use a few more laughs around here.)

Enjoy.

“Synchronized Liking

When you’re out with a group and someone posts a photo and everyone in attendance takes out their phone to ‘like’ it at the same time.

High Barstool

When you’re going to sit at the bar but first you have to figure out how to get your ass on what appears to be an unusually tall barstool designed to humiliate you, so you try to shimmy up without having to do a full hop and hoist, and somehow by the grace of Guinness you make it into the seat.

Women’s Singles

When you’re a woman on your period and you eat individual slices of cheese from the package because, what, do you have a problem with that?  Are you giving me a look?  Have you never seen a woman eat slices of cheese before?” 

Olympic Events Reimagined for the Modern Mortal – Sass & Balderdash