when you set a goal and God throws down

“When it comes to technology and the kids nothing promised is permanent, nothing is etched in stone.  We try something and if it works, great.  If not?  Well, we try something else…

Which brings us to our latest shift.  It seems even our best efforts can’t get the kids enough non-screen time altogether, so BrightSide came up with the radical idea of no screens on Sundays.  I’ll repeat that.  An entire day without technology.  None.  At all.  Every single week.”

The goal of Friday’s post, basically, was the hope that sending good thoughts out into the universe might bless us with a semi-peaceful attempt at living tech-free for a day.  I wasn’t looking for Ghandi-like enlightenment, just sixteen or so hours with limited squabbling.

Here’s how it went.

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gunfight at the O.K. Corral (aka mamas, sons, and the battle cry)

Last week I took Bear to get her hair trimmed.  I’m not winning any awards in this area – I’ve been known to go an entire year before remembering Bear needs a haircut, and since she isn’t really styling it I just take her to my own hairdresser.  Now, Penny is awesome and does a good cut, but she’s a white gal from Boston who mostly works with senior citizens.  Not exactly a cultural experience for Bear.  Then again, Penny’s scrupulous about getting the haircut right so I guess I could be doing worse.

But I digress.

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50 shades of awkward

It was movie night at the house and we were introducing T-man to Hitch, one of my favorite rom-coms ever.  Will Smith is da bomb, y’all.  Just sayin’. 

So we came to a kissing scene and I could actually see T-man shrinking into his chair.  Through sheer force of will he managed to decrease his body mass by .8% and would have, were it possible, sunk straight through the floor.

I shouldn’t find this funny, right?

 

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Forever Family: touching base with the elder child

me:  So what’s your favorite subject so far? 

T-man:  Math.  That is definitely math.

me:  What’s the most important school supply you have?

T-man:  (laughs)  That little fold up binder thing that I have that you bought me.  (a Trapper Keeper)

me:  And…if you could sub for a teacher for one day, who would it be and why?

T-man:  The Spanish teacher because I do not care for her at all so I would get rid of her in any way possible.

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[Well then, it looks like we’re off to a good start.]

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a dozen middle school nuggets

Well, we’re in the deep weeds now.

We’ve officially completed our first full week with two kids in middle school.  They have 22 months between them but are in back-to-back grades at school.  They walk the same hallways, have (some) of the same teachers, and aren’t the least bit afraid to express opinions about rules, staff, and dress code.

Here are a few nuggets I’ve gleaned from the first week of school.

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offensive t-shirt seams, temporary body art, and the pointless pursuit of de-sassing teens

Leave it to my youngest to bring up back to school shopping.  In July.  While on vacation.

I guess one could praise Bear for her foresight and responsibility.  Me?  I fell back on Advanced Parenting 301.  I said I didn’t want to think about it until August.

And dammit, here we are.

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notes for our newly minted teenage son

I feel like there should be overture music here.  Something with a driving rhythm – thumping drums, blaring horn section, maybe an underlying bass line.  Perhaps the Death Star music would suffice. 

For today is the day that T-man finally, conclusively, at long last officially becomes a teenager.

“Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee…pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen.”

Okay, maybe equating parenting a teen with “the hour of our death” is a little harsh.  Mark it up to poetic license on the eve of T-man’s thirteenth birthday.

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Why? “Because kids lie. All the time.”

That age old question: is it wrong to read my child’s diary?  One woman’s (vehement) opinion. 

“I have been very clear in making sure my children have never even gotten the idea that they have a right to privacy in my home.  Sure, my kids can bathe in private or close the doors to their bedrooms, but they cannot keep diaries locked away or drawers in their dressers off limits from me and the Hubs.

Why do we think that children deserve privacy?  Why do we think that some how we’re betraying our precious snowflake’s trust by reading her text messages or his emails?  I’m not betraying their trust, I’m parenting.”

People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Why My Children Have No Right to Privacy

–  A humor blog about kids and being a mom.  Saying the things people want to say.  People I Want to Punch in the Throat.