So Linda’s prompt this week is “bone” and the only dang thing in my head right now is the bone saw they say was used in the murder of that Saudi journalist and even though it’s Halloween week I’m damn sure not writing a post about that so let’s go ahead and hit the reset button.

You know, considering my off-the-charts klutz level I find it pretty remarkable that the only bones I’ve ever broken have been by choice. (And yes, just writing that sentence made me cringe a little.)

I had bunion surgery in my twenties – super sexy, right? Sorry, fellas, I’m taken – and let me tell you that recovery was a beeeeyaaaatch. Since I’d never broken a bone before I was utterly unprepared for what it would feel like to enjoy the sensation of a limb on fire. That was a while ago now but I vaguely remember the weird experience of not having words to describe my pain. No words? I would have thought more about how weird being language-less was if I wasn’t writhing in pain.

Then right around forty I had jaw surgery. Nope, that doesn’t even come close to capturing it.

Then right around forty I had jaaaaaawwwww surgerryyyyy.

I’ll spare you the gory surgery details (although if you’re interested – weirdo – you can find them here). The short version is this was the second fully elective bone breakage I participated in. Maybe the twenty years dulled my memory, or maybe grasping the pain of a broken jaw falls outside human capabilities. Either way I was totally unaware of the hell I’d be wading into.

Seriously. You guys. I wouldn’t wish a broken jaw bone on my worst enemy, and considering it renders talking near impossible that’s really saying something.

If I’d paid better attention in school I’d break into that dem bones song right about now in celebration of all the parts of my body that haven’t cried out in excruciating pain as I wondered what the hell I was thinking. How many bones are there in the body? BrightSide says “a lot.” Bear says “I don’t know, I can’t look it up because I don’t have my phone.” (Don’t ask.) I say I’m not sure, but I know there’s a whole lot more I haven’t broken than the two I have.

Well, maybe three, if you count my little toe that one time.

Linda hosts Stream of Consciousness Saturday. This week’s prompt is “bone .”