gratitude: sister time

People who’ve got the skinny on me know I’m a huge Jen Hatmaker fan.  Who’s Jen Hatmaker, you say?  So glad you asked.  Witty, wise, full of fabulous anecdotes that make me feel like my life isn’t the only big hot mess out there.  Love me some Hatmaker.

It’s hard now to remember how I first heard about her.  Most likely a friend shared something funny Jen had written on Facebook, some crazy story about her husband and kids, that pulled me into her sphere.  I followed her page and discovered her blog, learning that she also has a transracial family and is an adoptive mom.

Just for kicks and giggles, here’s one recent favorite from Jen’s Facebook page:

“Had a ‘difficult’ day yesterday with a kid who wants to be ‘treated like an adult’ (but without all/any of the responsibilities). This child risked his own life by telling Brandon and I when we can and cannot speak to him, and I prayed to Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit and all the heavenly beings to be a hedge of protection around him lest I end his earthly journey. 

I was telling my Be the Bridge group about this last night, and my girlfriend told me the greatest story. Apparently her 11-year-old also wanted to be a grown up this week and, in fact, not only did he treat his siblings like despised underlings, but when asked what he wanted, he said: ‘I want the authority to be in charge of them and tell them what to do, because they deserve it!’

Well. My girlfriend and her husband are NOT AT ALL MESSING AROUND with parenting. Calmly, evenly, they granted his request to be a grown-up for a week by pulling him out of camp (the underlings still got to go, because they are ‘such children’) and sending him to work ALL DAY EVERY DAY with his dad. He has to get up early and shower and make breakfast for everyone. He has to kiss the underlings before he goes to work and tell them to have a great day and that he loves them. He has to work on a typing project during his office hours. He only gets to eat what his dad eats, because eating like a grown-up is not nearly as fun as eating like a kid. 

Want to be an adult? Fine.

I cannot tell you how much this story brought me joy. There is definitely a time in parenting to respond with grace and second-chances and tenderness. And sometimes there is a time to CALL YOUR KID’S BLUFF and send him to an office job for 40 hours a week instead of camp. 

RESPECT. 

Our other girlfriend piped in with how her mom would leave her and her brother at the store if they wandered off LIKE SHE TOLD THEM NOT TO, and they had to wait outside at the curb in the Houston sun until she decided to come back for them. (She was basically hiding in the corner of the parking lot watching, but still.)

Our other girlfriend told us how she yelled at her dad for being 15 minutes late to pick her up from her internship once at the capitol when she was 18, and he calmly said, ‘You are so right. That was an inconvenience for you. You should not have to wait for me as I leave my job early to pick you up in downtown traffic. So now you will ride the public bus home for the remainder of your internship and you will never have to wait for me again.’ Wailing, she rode the city bus home for the next month even though her dad beat her home every day. I died.”

So you can imagine my surprise when my sister texted to ask if I’d be interested in going with her to see Jen Hatmaker.  In person.  There was actual jumping up and down involved.  Squealing. Dancing.  And a triumphant “Hell, YES!” text back.

We were at the adoption conference on Friday so I wasn’t able to join Bee that evening, but she and I showed up bright and early Saturday morning for what I can only describe as a unique experience.

First, there’s no word that adequately portrays the level of pink present at this conference.  I can be as girly as the next gal, but this was almost beyond comprehension.  Pink t-shirts, pink banners, pink streamers, pink signs.  They even took over the men’s rooms, one of which I entered to find urinals filled with giant pink tissue paper flowers.  Now that was something I’d never seen before.

Second, it was the first women’s conference I’ve ever attended, something I didn’t put together until I found myself standing in a room surrounded by a hundred other people of the female persuasion.  It was a markedly singular experience and a feeling I won’t soon forget.

And, of course, there was Jen Hatmaker herself.  She is awesome – funny and down to earth and incredibly real.  Kind of like hanging out with a best friend over coffee.  If your best friend is a public speaker, best selling author, blogger, and has had her own HGTV show, that is.

Best of all, I got to share the entire experience with Bee.  Life is good.

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My post as part of Colline’s Gratitude Project.