It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it? So long that I lost my baggie of questions and tossed structure to the wind last night. It shows. I think I’ll just edit out all the random dog shenanigans.
5 from my Tribe
One thing in your room you would grab on your way out the door if there’s a fire. Not that you ever would, because if there’s a fire you’d leave right away.
- T-man: If I had it, my phone.
- Bear: I don’t want to say this on your blog ’cause I’m gonna sound like a baby.
- me: Okay, fair enough.
- BrightSide: I would pick you up and carry you out.
- Bear: Stop it! I don’t need that sappy romance. Gracie. I would pick up Gracie.
- T-man: I would pick up Phoebe!
- me: Wow…okay…so we’ve got T-man’s phone, Bear’s bromance with Gracie, BrightSide fireman carrying me out the door…
- BrightSide: You said if I could pick one thing –
- Bear: Mom would pick up Phoebe –
- me: And then he’d be fireman carrying both of us out!
I’m open when it comes to perspectives on adoption. About a million years ago (or so it feels) I came into this learning about what they call the adoption triad – adoptee, birthparent, and adoptive parent – but that’s merely an attempt to create terminology for an extremely complex situation. Often the lines are far too blurred for such simplistic language.
Now, I have to admit my own worldview was overly simplified for years. We wanted children to be part of our family, for their own reasons the birthparents wanted another family to raise their children, and these two longings merged to create our life.
I wasn’t delusional, I knew not every adoption triad was this straightforward since the possibility for complications is endless. Open or closed, unrelated or familial, age of adoption, domestic or international…and those are only the ones that come to mind. But it wasn’t until the last few years that I started hearing more about the anti-adoption movement.
And that, I must admit, came as a bit of a surprise.
Slow down. Be where your feet are. Breathe. Be present in the moment.
Be still and listen to your heart.
Six days of immersion and then BOOM – reentry.
Half a step past Halloween and we’re solidly into NovemberDecember. I’m calling it this from now on because there’s no point in kidding ourselves – November isn’t some sweet spot in fall when leaves slowly change as we sip hot apple cider. December isn’t a leisurely waltz into winter either. These two months combine into the holy grail of activity as families revolve around each other.
Yep. Welcome to NovemberDecember.
On the way home from school last week Bear asked me which holiday was my favorite and, like a typical mama, I turned it around on her. And she told me – wait for it – that most of her friends say Christmas is their favorite because of gifts (duh), but that her favorite is Thanksgiving. Because Thanksgiving makes her think about being together with everyone she loves. Thanksgiving is about family and good food.
It may or may not be because we’ve started watching This Is Us, but that answer? That one made me just a teeny bit weepy. It’s all the feels.
Everything about adoption screams leap of faith.
Believing with all your heart that this is the right path. Accepting that the plan for your family includes a great deal of uncertainty. Understanding that this ambiguity doesn’t dissolve when the adoption finalizes; rather, it will insert itself back into your lives at entirely unpredictable moments.
Holding faith that you will love your children into and through every storm.
Adoption demands the same leap of faith from children.
Believing they are deeply loved for the people they are, not for a perfect image they try to project, then working to strengthen that belief when it falters. Finding safe space to talk about anxiety buried within, and asking for help instead of hiding fear away.
Holding faith that they are bright, beautiful souls in the world, worthy of love and respect by their very presence on this journey.
Today’s 5 from my Tribe will stray a bit from its typical format, but we had a moving discussion as we drove home from visiting the African American museum in D.C.