BrightSide and I are not typically a fly by the seat of our pants sort of couple. I keep a crazy absurd ridiculously detailed calendar. We coordinate schedules. We make plans. When we leave town we have an itinerary, even if large blocks of it are dedicated to Down Time.
I’m not gonna say we always go by the book, but we definitely aren’t used to tossing the book out the window entirely.
Until last weekend.
“There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.”
– C. Joybell C.
I’ve read that Gotcha Day can be a hard concept for adoptees. The idea zeroes in on a narrative that says “we’re so lucky you joined our family [and therefore you are so lucky we came along]” and shies away from what might be difficult about this particular day. Skirting the pain of feeling abandoned by a first family, ignoring the possibility that a child might be torn between what is and what could have been.
I acknowledge this and honor the possibility that May 31 might stir conflicting feelings in your heart. So here, in my little corner of the world, I’d like to sing my praises for this day.
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We dreamed of having children, and when we didn’t we waited for you.
We dreamed of being parents, and one day your birthmother trusted us to be your family.
We dreamed of being a mom and dad, and one day we were blessed to call you our son.
We dared to dream, and then you were there.
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Today I’ll tell you I love you, each and every day. That I’m blessed to be your mom, and what a joy it is to watch you growing into a strong, smart, kind young man.
BrightSide: Why is this called 5 from my Tribe?
[blink, blink]
BrightSide: Why don’t we do four questions? There’s four of us –
T-man: That’s what I was wondering!
me: You would bring that up.
Bear: Dad! Because five rhymes with tribe!
BrightSide: Five, tribe – well, it’s a slant rhyme…
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Yep, we were off to a roaring start that night.
I’m having a wee bit of trouble wrapping my brain around the fact that Bear turns eleven today.
My brother’s held the title of Cool Uncle J. for a while now. Years, actually, but we’ve all learned to live with the blinding spotlight of his über coolness because, well, he’s über cool. No point in swimming upstream, right?
My sister rocks it out in the aunt department, too. The kids love their Aunt Bee, and let’s face it…what could possibly be better than childhood memories of deliciously realistic bulldozer cakes? I’ll tell you what: nothing. Nothing beats deliciously realistic bulldozer cakes.
I’m excited to introduce a new feature to Riddle from the Middle called 5 from my Tribe. I’ve loved interviewing the kids so I thought hey, wouldn’t it be fun to involve the whole family, and I was right! (It happens.) We had the best time on Wednesday evening, sitting around the table, pulling five questions from the bag and taking turns answering them over dinner.
Some were thought provoking, some just for fun, but the most important part was how much we enjoyed spending time together. Good times.
