1.  It’s December 19th. I repeat, IT’S DECEMBER NINETEENTH!

2.  Everybody’s heart rate up?

3.  Everybody except zen folks who roll through December like a super chill ski instructor, that is.

4.  Which brings me to story time.

5.  I had an appointment with a new dentist this week.

6.  I’m not changing dentists, but this guy specializes in joint issues and seeing as my TMJ has flared dramatically over the last six months…

7.  If you didn’t visualize a dramatic splash into the room —

8.  Nope, words won’t do it but this photo sorta does.

9.  DRA-MAAA-TI-CALLYYYYYYYYY.

10.  Ahem.

11.  So jaw pain crept back in then set up camp and threw a party.

12.  I tried playing it super cool like hey man, whatever, just don’t trash the place in the hopes it would get sick of me and move along.

13.  That didn’t work.

14.  Which is how I ended up at a new dentist’s office for an evaluation.

15.  I’d like to point out here that I gave ALL THE WARNINGS in my new patient paperwork.

16.  I ticked off every box possible including dental anxiety and previous bad dental experiences.

17.  Let’s just lay it all out there, right? Knowledge is power and all that jazz…

18.  After the tech gets a panoramic x-ray she plops me into a chair to review forms before taking my blood pressure.

19.  And that’s where the rubber met the road, so to speak.

20.  To her credit she didn’t freak out but there was something in her oh-so-casual does your blood pressure typically run high that made me look.

21.  That top number was 160, people.

22.  Cue my ability to instantly overload people with information.

23.  Okay, so, here’s what’s going on with that.

24.  Yes, sometimes I have high blood pressure, particularly at doctor’s appointments.

25.  But that 160 is because I just talked myself through a panic attack in your panoramic machine.

26.  Every time I say something wildly awkward like this I learn all over again the very real meaning of the word palpable.

27.  Which usually makes me lean in and speed up.

28.  See, I’ve done them before and the spinning piece can be disorienting but I manage. It’s just yours has extra steps.

29.  Like I was hanging in until pieces moved into place on each side of my head holding me steady, but when a third piece then moved into place at my forehead? Absolutely not.

29.  What other folks would see as additional support was like waving a giant red flag in front of a bull for me.

30.  It triggered every YOU ARE TRAPPED YOU HAVE TO RUNNNNNNNN instinct I have.

31.  But because I was manifesting über grownup energy to finish that scan I kicked off a CoolThoseJets campaign instead.

32.  From the outside you might see me tense up or clench my hands harder but I mostly go still out there.

33.  All the real magic is happening inside my brain and it sounds a lot like this:

Laura, be reasonable, you’re not actually trapped here. If you had to you could just pull out of this machine and go, you’re not strapped in, I know it feels that way but you’re okay, just breathe. See? You’ve made it at least ten seconds, there can’t be that much more, just keep breathing and maybe count to ten, let’s see how far that gets us because this will absolutely not last forever and you will not die getting this scan done.

34.  It’s a bit of a cross between hostage negotiations and not spooking a wild deer trapped in your garage.

35.  I’d imagine.

36.  Anyway, seeing as you’re reading this now it’s obvious I did not die in the treacherously touchy x-ray machine.

37.  In a way I feel very accomplished because if my heart rate spiked to ESCAPE THE HUNS! levels and I still managed to stay still for those images…well, that’s pretty dang impressive.

38.  So now I’ve been thinking about how to be a better advocate for myself.

39.  I thought I did that with the forms, but now I’m wondering if my particular version of dental anxiety requires a more specific warning label.

40.  Perhaps I should just head into any new situation with “Everything about my mouth has been traumatic, it rarely goes well, just assume I’m an exhausted chihuahua with jangly nerves and act accordingly.”