I know some of you are going to disagree with me, and that’s okay. We’re all big girls and boys — I know we can handle a little difference of opinion here.
That being said, I also know I get a bit heated when talking about things I’m passionate about. I’m not bashing your point of view. I simply have my own. SO…keeping that in mind, let’s move on.
I’m almost embarrassed to post these links to a local story happening in a neighboring school system, but here’s what’s going on in NC right now:
The News & Observer: Gay fable draws complaints at Orange County elementary school
I hope you take the time to read them, but in summary: a third grade boy deemed “a little feminine” was being bullied by students who were using the term gay in a derogatory way. Their teacher decided to address the issue, locating and reading aloud an age-appropriate book that fit into their curriculum study of fairy tales.
The picture book that some parents found scandalous tells the story of a prince who agrees to get married so he can become king, but he can’t find any princesses he wants to marry. He does, however, figure out that he likes Princess Madeleine’s brother, Prince Lee. The two men marry, thus becoming “King & King.”
Not exactly pornographic material, but apparently the storyline was enough to bring a parent (whose child, I might add, is not in this teacher’s room) to the school to lodge a complaint. A majority of the school’s Media Review Committee determined that the book did not violate the constitutional or legal rights of the complaining parent/student and met third-grade curriculum objectives. Two more complaints were filed, though, prompting a public meeting that was to be held yesterday at the school.
Along with the committee’s ruling came two new requirements for teachers. 1. “Teachers must give parents a list of all the books they plan to read in class.” (The teacher involved estimates that he may read 500 books during a typical school year.) 2. “Teachers must fill out a form for each bullying incident.”
Frankly, I’m surprised the second requirement wasn’t already in place considering the intense attention surrounding bullying right now, but whatever. I’m gonna have to call bullshit on the first one.
I can literally feel every elementary school teacher who reads that sentence cringe. This is truly an impossible task. If you have any concept of how much reading happens in an elementary classroom, you’d understand that it would take an enormous catalog to list every book read aloud in a school year.
But there’s one question I really want to ask the parents who demand to cherry pick their kids’ classroom experiences: When exactly did you earn your teaching degree? (You do know that these teachers earn degrees to do this job, right?) The book was age-appropriate, addressed an ongoing problem in the classroom (can someone talk about the bullying, please?), and even met third grade curriculum objectives.
The teacher was doing exactly what he was supposed to do — protect all of the children and maintain a safe learning environment — even managing to meet state requirements while doing it. And for this he got royally screwed.
Please believe that I hear you saying that you feel you’re the best judge of your own child’s needs. I get that parents have certain lines that, for their own reasons, they don’t want crossed in their child’s classroom. I’m a parent now, too, and have this weirdly fractured view of the school system since I’ve seen it from the perspective of both teacher and mother.
But here’s the thing: this is a public school which is, by definition, designed to educate the public. Guess who’s part of that public? GAY PEOPLE. (You’ll notice I didn’t whisper those words, partly because I’m okay with saying them but mostly because I’m pretty sure the gay people already know that they’re gay.) You think your child will never meet another child with two moms or two dads? Or make a friend who figures out that he or she is gay? Or (brace yourselves, now) actually turn out to be gay himself?
A 53-year-old man whose kids had gone through that particular school summed up an objection commonly voiced. “People have been gay for years. People have been lesbian for years. But why (does) a third-grader have to know about that?”
Um, have you met a third grader lately? They talk about this stuff. They notice families that are different from their own, and they aren’t shy about commenting on it. And sometimes their comments aren’t exactly nuanced, especially if they come from an environment where the word gay is whispered or, worse, thrown around like an insult.
Why does a third-grader need to know about this? Because we’re supposed to be preparing them to live IN THE REAL WORLD, and unless you plan to move onto your own exclusively heterosexual compound then there’s a good chance your kid will need skills to live in a world with lots of different people.
You tie teachers’ hands when you deny them the ability to use age-appropriate materials to address issues in their classroom. They don’t teach in a bubble. Real life stuff is going on in that room, all day, every day. And these are little kids we’re talking about. You’re concerned that they might learn about gay people? How about being concerned that some of them can’t concentrate on learning math and reading skills because their classmates are being cruel and using hate speech? Maybe we should be less worried about feeling uncomfortable and more concerned with how our children treat one another.
The same older gentleman is quoted in the ABC story as saying, “It’s just too young. We shouldn’t have to go through this.”
I barely have the words.
“WE” shouldn’t have to go through this? Through what? Handling the tough questions that might come up when a child is exposed to a new idea? I’m pretty sure parents have to do that all the time. It’s part of the deal when you raise the little people.
He’s fooling himself if he doesn’t think kids that young (and younger) are going through the tough stuff. They’re dealing with divorce, illness in their families, learning differences, test anxiety, bullying, and family members in the military. And that’s just some of the typical stressors. Some kids are dealing with abuse (their own or someone they love), going hungry, homelessness…the list of challenges in this world stretches a long way, and those struggles don’t just target adults.
So let’s stop insisting that school is this isolated environment where students go to “learn, read, write.” Yes, they need to do all that there. But to be able to do those very important things, they need a place that’s safe for everybody.
Even if that means your child sees not everyone lives like they do.
Riddle from the Middle 