There’s no fooling myself now.  Summer is almost upon us.  Like, for real upon us.

Not the “gee, I’d love to get back in shape before summer” wispy idea of time that drifted through my head back in January.  This is hard core, calendar PROOF that Memorial Day has arrived and, with it, our journey into pool time and the hot sticky summer begins.

But where do I find myself?  Suddenly realizing that most of the shirts in my closet don’t fit quite right, and that it’s getting harder to make some of my outfits work, and that some have actually gone into hiding behind the too-small capri pants (that I won’t donate) and the sundresses I can’t wear (but might be able to again someday).

So I did something radical.  I actually stepped on a scale so I could properly assess the damage that had apparently snuck up on me over the last few months.

HOLY SNARKY!

Okay, that was a bad few moments there.  And then a few more.

I am dangerously close to being ten pounds heavier than the last time I checked the scale.  It’s not like I’ve been sleep-eating.  And I consider myself a pretty smart girl.  I get that whole cause and effect thing.  You’d think I’d have put two and two together by now.

SO.  Not only did I not get back in shape before summer (damn you, dreamy January reflections), I actually gained weight.  And realized it just in time for shorts and swimsuit season.

Way to go, Idaho.

You’re probably wondering why on earth I’m posting about this.  (I would be, if I were you.) Accountability, baby.  I needed more than just my own aggravation to hold me to this new plan, and then I thought hey!  I have a blog!  Who better than dozens of readers to hold my feet to the fire?

Anyway, my horrifying scale moment catapulted me into action.

I grabbed my phone (’cause we’re tech-savvy around here, yo) and created a Personal Goals note.  In a burst of optimism I even made that title plural, thinking that at some point I might want to lay out some more goals for myself.

But for now I’m kind of focused on the one limiting access to my wardrobe.

So I listed my weight goal — and yes, I realize that should be more like a “get healthy” goal, but in general when I maintain my proper weight I tend to be in decent shape so let’s just roll with it.  Then I listed the behaviors I’d need to change to achieve it.

I’ll freely admit that the very first one on there should be exercise, but I believe in realistic, attainable goals.  Because if I make an action plan and immediately fail at the first item listed, well, that’s just gonna make me feel like a punk.  And probably depressed.  Which will most likely lead to Ben and Jerry’s, salty snacks, and other comfort food.  Thus defeating the whole point of this stupid list.

Instead, I thought about the things I do that sabotage my weight, and it turned out that list was pretty dang long.

I have a few steady (habits? routines? cravings? addictions?) that I indulge after the kids go to bed.  It’s not like this is something new; my problem now is that the kids got older, so their bedtime got later, and that throws the whole equation off.  So instead of having a snack and drink at 7:30pm it’s more like 8:30pm or later.

And the nights when things are crazy-cakes and I’m running wild just to get them through extracurriculars, dinner, and into bed on time while prepping lunches and snacks for the next day…well, it’s not all that unusual to find me eating dinner at nine o’clock at night.  Which is kind of a problem, seeing as I’m not nocturnal.

So the first thing on the list was to alter my nighttime consumption.  If I can hold to no snacks after 8:00pm then that’s bound to help, right?  (Please say right.  Because there are days when I literally can’t find a way to eat at a normal hour, so at least this would let me eat something before the kitchen’s cut off.)

I do plan to limit the junk food, though that’s not really a huge issue for me.  It helps that I’m the one who does the shopping — if I don’t bring the Cheetos into the house, then I’m not tempted by orange cheesy deliciousness.  (Mmmmm….Cheeeetooos.)  And fried foods are out.  Considering my cholesterol level isn’t all that great — oh my God, I AM SO OLD!!! — I probably should have done this a long time ago.  But oh well, better late than never.

Now, lest you think I’m completely irresponsible, the last item listed is “MOVE MORE.”  You’ll notice I didn’t use the “e” word.  It’s ironic, really.  When the kids were young I was all about getting a workout in at the YMCA, but I fell out of the habit a while ago and haven’t been able to get back.  Just mentioning exercise induces a fight-or-flight response.  (Especially in the context of my annual physical, as in the doctor’s question “Are you exercising?”  ACK! ACK! ACK!)  So I guess I’m trying to trick myself into doing it by renaming the concept.

And frankly, at this point, any kind of movement would be an improvement on my current sloth-like status.

It’s a decent start.  I’ll make these changes and see how far that takes me.  I’m pretty sure this summer’s a pipe dream at this point (dammit), but there’s always next year.