There are times when I feel so ridiculously inadequate for this life I’m living.

I’m not fishing for compliments; I know I’m a good mom to T-man and Bear.  But we’ve had some moments here when I’m flying on a wing and a prayer, and all I can really do is hope my best is enough for them.

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We’ve struggled through a few racial incidents over the last year or so.  I think this may be a product of the children getting older – they’re exposed to kids who’ve had time to grow their vocabulary and aren’t afraid to use it.  Sadly this kind of ignorant talk hasn’t been the anomaly I’d hoped it would be, but it turned out the comments we dealt with last year were nothing compared to what happened this week.

I won’t rehash my rant here.  Let’s just say I was pretty upset when Bear got off the bus on Tuesday, and I chose to exercise my first amendment right to express myself.  Vehemently.  I’ve posted my comments on the RFTM Facebook page here  if you’re interested in my immediate reaction.  If not, then let’s just say a boy decided to skip right past calling my kid stupid, fat, or black and dropped the N-word in Bear’s lap.  I was not a happy camper.

I’ve had some time to reflect on many things – Bear’s reaction, my reaction, the responses from family and friends.  The way teachers from Bear’s school rallied around her that night, contacting me to offer their encouragement and support.  I’ve even experienced what I can only describe as a remarkably ignorant encounter with someone who is, at the very least, extremely misguided.

A few thoughts from the week:

  • I’m at a complete loss when it comes to understanding how this attitude exists in the world today.  Whether the word was used out of hatred or ignorance, the fact remains that people still think it’s okay to throw this word around.  Part of the shock-and-awe effect comes from the fact that I surround myself with inclusive people (i.e. not racist idiots), so when my world collides with one of these assholes it catches me off guard.
  • BrightSide continually tells me that this is a situation that will resolve itself over time.  That it will take “a few respectable funerals” before we can really move away from this type of prejudice.  I readily admit I’m a little impatient, so I find myself thinking I’d be more than willing to help this process along.  (Think of it as a boon for the funeral industry.)  I need y’all to get going now.  Git.  Because you’re making my world toxic and you’re effing up some of the youth with your twisted attitude.
  • Why aren’t people talking about this with their kids?!  Granted, given their biracial heritage we had good reason to prepare T-man and Bear for this particular slur early on, a talk that also included a stern warning that we’d better not catch them uttering it themselves.  Ever. Regardless of race, though, why isn’t every family talking about this language and the problem with using it?  Because right now kids fall into one of three categories: using the n-word, being called the n-word, or speaking up against it because they understand how obscene that word is.  (ps – You don’t have to be black to be one of the kids speaking up.)
  • I fully realize I am nowhere near as zen as I hope to be.  Hearing that this boy called my daughter such a vile, offensive word made me want to snatch him up and lay him out flat. (See my handy-dandy rules for the human race in this post.)  I firmly believe it takes a village, and if someone else doesn’t have the time or inclination to help him see the light I’d be more than happy to explain to this precious snowflake his place in the world.  (I am a work in progress.)

As for my misguided acquaintance, just in case you happen to stumble across this post…I took the time to actually look up the n-word at dictionary.com.  If you were to fact check that definition you had, this is what you’d find:

noun

**  Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive.

a.  a contemptuous term used for a black person.

b.  a contemptuous term used to refer to a member of any dark-skinned people.

**  Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive.

a contemptuous term used to refer to a person of any racial or ethnic origin regarded as contemptible, inferior, ignorant, etc.

**  a victim of prejudice similar to that suffered by black people; a person who is economically, politically, or socially disenfranchised.

It’s impossible to argue that there’s an appropriate use for this word.  Not that it “just means someone who’s ignorant.”  Or that you and your best friend (“who’s BLACK”) have been using it for years.  Or that you only use it inside the walls of your own home.

Extremely.  Disparaging.  And.  Offensive.

Let’s put it away.