BrightSide and I celebrated our twenty-second anniversary last weekend.  Twenty-two years of wedded bliss. 

Two decades?  Of bliss?  Bwahahahaha!

If you’re buying the idea that anyone experiences two decades of blissful existence, regardless of their mate’s utter delightfulness, well then I’ve got an oceanside condo in Kentucky to sell you.

To mark this momentous occasion, though, I figured I’d toss some little nuggets of wisdom out there.  Just to see if any of them stick.

Auntie Laura’s “22 Years of Wedded Bliss” Commentary 

**  Compromise is the bedrock of every relationship.  You’re merging two personalities into one space which means, by necessity, you will find items you actively despise in your home.  Choose your battles carefully – that space sucking comic book collection may be annoying, but it might pale in comparison to the rustic array of wood carvings that pop up in its place.

**  Listen.  Speak.  Then shut up and listen some more.  This is on forever repeat.

**  I feel for the tropical birds who marry penguins, I really do, but you’ll want to tread gently with your thermostat.  Accept that layering is a year round necessity or you’ll end up with a spouse walking around in underwear all the time.

**  Furious about something?  Go ahead and fight about it.  Clear the air.  Just remember that after a certain time (I hit it around 11:00pm) you start to be doubly pissed at the original offense and the fact that you’re losing sleep arguing.  Sometimes your best bet is to get a good night’s rest and tackle it in the morning.

**  Passive aggressives make difficult spouses.  Resist the urge to write that snarky note about how the glass won’t walk itself into the dishwasher – either get over it or deal with the problem head on.  Leave underhanded machinations to the teenage girls.

**  I got married at 24.  Now that I’m 46 I look back on that doe eyed, fresh faced young thing and just smile.  No one is the same person after twenty years of walking this earth.  Accept that and adjust accordingly.

**  That means you have to be open to your spouse’s changes as well.

**  At the risk of offending other procreators, I’m a big believer in having your ducks in a row before kids come into the picture.  It’s never the “perfect” time to have kids, and I doubt there’s anyone who truly feels prepared when they hit this particular milestone.  But I know we were nowhere near ready to handle the challenges of parenting from a united front given the utterly stupid arguments BrightSide and I had when we were first married.  Just my two cents.

**  If you’re a woman married to a man you’ll have approximately 52 more skin/hair/face products and will need to jockey for space accordingly.  If you’re a man married to a man, I have no idea what your bathroom looks like.  Hopefully minimalist.  If you’re a woman married to a woman, godspeed to you both.  You might want to consider tripling the size of your bathroom.

Here’s to twenty-two more years of wedded bliss, BrightSide.  We’re five days in…only 8,025 more to go.