Oh my gosh, you guys, I was talking to BrightSide about this just last night.
Something came up with T-man yesterday (two things, actually) that required a “no” and it was really hard. Not because I wasn’t sure of my answer; I was quite certain that both requests were a bad idea and needed to be denied. But the look on his face and the sound of his voice…
I know sometimes the kids think I say no just because I can. I’m sure of it because I remember using the same logic as a kid — she must just be telling me no “just because” (since I couldn’t see any logical reason behind the answer). I didn’t see then the long-term lessons we learn from boundaries and consequences, and my kids can’t see it now.
I get why so many parents run into trouble trying to be the good guy or their kid’s best friend. It’s hard to be the heavy. And sometimes it sucks to make the tough decisions and then stick with them. But I’m convinced it will be worth it in the end.
When I tell you no it doesn’t mean I don’t care. It means the opposite. – We are THAT Family
Riddle from the Middle 
My son’s requests usually involved spending money so the ‘no’ was easy to explain to him. “No, you can’t have the transformer this time because we’re saving money to buy our house, remember?” Sometimes it was a time issue but still explainable. “No, we can’t go there now because we have to be at Grandma’s at two o’clock. Sorry.” He understood my logic so the tears or whines were few. Even the few times it was because of his age, all I had to tell him was that I thought he wasn’t old enough and to ask me at whatever age I though appropriate. However, I know having this level of logic isn’t true with every kid. I just lucked out.
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Ours are usually reasonable, too. (Probably because they learned early on that whining at me had an effect opposite of what they were looking for!) Things are getting trickier with our son as he heads into those murky pre-teen years where independence is so important and he’s confident that he knows what’s best.
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