this moment: intentional love

I thought it was a cute story about a mother/daughter bonding moment.  A time when mom made it clear I came first…before plans, expenses, embarrassment, or expectations…all of that ran second to my well-being.

BrightSide didn’t seem quite as impressed by my story.  Not at first, anyway.

But it’s a moment I’ll never forget.

It was a bright June morning in 1995.  Well, bright may have been more of a state of mind thing since rain was wreaking havoc with our “’til death do us part” day, but whatever.  Literary license and all that jazz.

I’d spent a few hours wrestling into a fancy white dress while shooting for a semblance of non-frizzy hair.  I (kind of) put myself together that morning – I could say it was due to some sort of desire to get married looking like myself, but the God’s honest truth is it never occurred to me to hire a professional.  Bygones.

Oddly enough, I look back now and can’t imagine what possessed me to put together our wedding.  A fussy dress, hundreds of people, stress over so many details…same girl, same boy, but now it’d be a simple dress with a few dozen of our closest friends and family to celebrate with us.  Strange how time changes a person.

But that morning in 1995 found me in a sitting room, visiting with my bridesmaids, waiting for the Big Moment to arrive.  Everything seemed to be ticking, seconds turning into minutes turning into me asking for the time again.  Finally our guests were seated, beautiful music sang out, and women I’d known throughout my life glided down the aisle.

My parents and I stood just outside the sanctuary doors.  I stared in at my future with equal parts excitement and wedding jitters as my mother turned to me to ask one simple question:  Are you sure?

Some might find this callous – an off color joke or (worse) encouragement to cut and run – but those people weren’t there.  They didn’t hear the depth of mom’s concern and sincerity, her desire that my marriage be a thing of beauty I entered into with 100% intention.  They wouldn’t know how much my mom adored BrightSide, and the only thing that might drive this question right before I walked down the aisle was concern.  Concern that I chose this life over any other, and that I did it willingly right up until the last moment.

Strange as it seems, that really was one of the best gifts she could have given me on our wedding day.

4 thoughts on “this moment: intentional love

  1. A sweet, honest concern, and a surprising question from her. No one asked me, my parents were more convinced of my impending marriage success than I was at the time. I was terrified. But it worked out, decades later, still here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Almost shocking, even. Not the concern but the willingness to drop a year’s planning like that, even though it would mean inconveniencing family and friends. It’s hard to explain but in our family there just was never a question, you always followed through…the idea that even at the very last moment I had a choice? Well, it was liberating.

      Liked by 1 person

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