I feel like I’ve got a decent edit function, generally speaking. Fine, some days I do better than others, but overall I try to keep the crazy to a minimum. Then again, my definition of minimum has definitely shifted since the kids came along. My definition of crazy, too.
So with no further ado, here are some “wait, Laura, what was that?!” moments for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.
1. “My uterus is tired. It does not know where all of the things are any more. Try using your eyes.”
2. “We appreciate you trying to kill that mystery smell in your room but that’s a no on open flames. You don’t have to sit and stare at it, but if you’re leaving? Yeah, you’ve gotta blow that out.”
3. “Why is it 100 degrees inside this house? Am I the only one boob sweating her way through sports bras here??”
4. “Water. It’s what’s wet.”
5. “So how are things on The Bachelor?”
6. “Okay, we’ve got a picky eater, one high blood pressure, one mammals only, one gluten free, and two vegetarians – what goes with that?”
7. “Why is Jane the Virgin on my Netflix feed?”
8. “Why is this sticky? No, seriously, why is this sticky??”
9. “Look, I try to keep an open mind but these things taste like feet. Who thought this was a good idea?”
10. “Sure, I’m up for a thirteenth round of Uno. Just let me floss, fold towels, pay bills, and clean the grout in my shower first.”
6 made me laugh a lot. I’m waiting for your answer as it’s beyond me.
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We went with lots of choices: two soups (1 chicken, 1 broccoli cheddar) and appetizers across the spectrum. 🤷🏻♀️
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LOL…wait, um, I don’t want to say it, but I know these things from experience and your uterus is just gearing up to give you plenty more hot moments of ‘wait, was that what I think it was?’ But, you’ll become the fashion master of wearing layers, layers, layers 🙂 Happy New Year!
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Valuable advice, Shelley. I’d best get started collecting those layers! 😉
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You’re welcome. Fans work too :-)!
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These are gems! I’m still trying to figure out # 6. Do it yourself tacos/burritos with gluten free tortillas? It’s gotta be a team effort.
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#6 was our family Christmas gathering this year. We went with two soups and a collection of appetizers – three could eat everything, the rest of us had our own choices in there. 😉
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Yes. The number of things we say that we never imagined saying. Yes.
Also, Tilex with bleach. It’s amazing. The Mister brought it home and it changed our lives. It’s toxic, but kind to elbow grease.
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Ah, yes, I’ve found the toxic things work much better than the all-natural-be-kind-to-the-earth cleaning materials. Just doin’ my best here.
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I like number ten. I’m always up for a hand of Uno. And it sounds like you have one crazy busy life. Haha. Very cool read. Thanks for sharing!
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It’s the crazy that keeps us hopping. So glad you dropped in and took time to share your thoughts – thanks!
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Is number one a dial a psychic uterus reference ? And is this a veiled reference that psychic penises are strangely and generally non responsive ?
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Don’t know if I’m willing to tag *all* penises as psychically non responsive but that’s certainly been our experience here. Perhaps there’s a training program we could institute nationwide, give the ladies a little help out here. 😆
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Laura Unfiltered – I kinda like this.
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Hopefully the people I live with feel the same. Bwahahaha!!!!
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🙂
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I love these , especially number 1
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Well, if the dang thing would just stop being right 99% of the time maybe they’d stop asking! 😆😆
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Yup, it’s how w we say things sometimes! 😂
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Sometimes the funny kicks in on a 2 minute delay. 😆
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