Six years later and I feel just as strongly about this putrid beverage. But by all means, partake if you’re so inclined. Preferably in another room with a closed door between us.

Monday morning rundown (Even the dog won’t drink tomato juice and other random commentary.)

Published 4/29/19

1.  There aren’t many liquids foul enough to make me throw a glass across the room. Beetroot juice – that’s pretty gross. Avocado juice – the texture alone is blech. But tomato juice? Tomato juice elicits a visceral reaction much like smelling skunk piss at the breakfast table, or so I’d imagine.

2.  For twenty-odd years this wasn’t a problem. Growing up our family ran strictly on OJ, and once I went to college I stuck to the basics. There was orange juice in the dining hall and it’s not like I was some high roller, enjoying a juice bar selection before class. Plus short of a gun being held to my head there was no way in hell I’d drink tomato juice.

3.  So you know how they say marriage is all about compromise. “Meet each other halfway,” they said. “Appreciate your differences,” they said. And that’s all well and good right up until the moment your beloved uncaps a bottle of the stinkiest juice known to man and drinks it right in your very own kitchen.

4.  That’s right. BrightSide likes tomato juice. Strike that – BrightSide loves tomato juice and he’s utterly flabbergasted that the rest of us find it super disgusting.

5.  Now, I’ll take some credit here. I’ve done a good deal of compromising over the years. I never ate tomato soup before marrying this guy, and now I’m all about dunking some gooey grilled cheese in a hot bowl of tomato-y goodness. I’ve learned to love chilis and sauces with a solid tomato base. I like to think I keep an open mind.

6.  But there’s just something about tomato juice itself…the smell wafting out of the glass is THICK. How does a juice smell thick? I don’t know. But it does. And suddenly all I can think about is tomato sludge gooping up my throat then I start thinking about how it kinda looks like a glass of blood and then we’re done for the day ‘cuz UGH.

7.  And here’s BrightSide all, “What are you talking about? You like tomatoes, right? It tastes like tomatoes. It’s delicious!” Umm…no.

8.  Not to point fingers or anything, but his glass was sitting on the coffee table when Gracie walked by last night. She stopped. She sniffed. She sniffed for a good ten seconds. Then she kept walking.

9.  This dog who will eat eggs and waffles, soap and Brillo pads, tissues and Post Its and pens DID NOT WANT THE TOMATO JUICE.

10.  And I think that just about sums it up.