The kids are in the midst of an existential extracurricular crisis.
Truly, I didn’t believe I was asking them to search their souls this summer when I told them to think about what they wanted to do for an activity this fall. It was all pretty straightforward to me – a sport, music lessons, whatever. Just pick something and let me know.
Now here we are in August and it seems this wasn’t that easy after all.
If I’m being honest, deep down I figured T-man would stick with Tae Kwon Do. He’d made some noise in the spring about wanting to quit but we wouldn’t let him when he was only a couple of months away from earning his black belt, so we said we’d revisit the issue after he’d reached that goal.
He earned his belt in June then spent the next few weeks in a highly conflicted state. Whenever BrightSide talked to him T-man would get all defensive, so I found myself taking point in an attempt to figure out what the hell was going on with that kid. It turned out T-man had fallen prey to his assumptions (as many of us do) in that he felt stuck – he’d decided that he wanted to quit once he got his black belt so he was “supposed to” quit. But once he began black belt lessons they actually turned out to be kind of cool, so he found himself swinging back and forth between wanting to quit and wanting to stay. It wasn’t an easy time.
So I told him to relax, quit pressuring himself to make a choice, and just try the lessons for a few weeks. I figured we’d know sometime in July and sure enough, that was about the time he decided he wanted to stop. (This was AFTER he’d begged me to buy certain equipment for black belt training, but I digress.) A part of me wishes he wouldn’t give it up only because he’s so very talented at it, but I know that forcing him to continue lessons will make him hate something he can do beautifully so for now I’m just hoping he’ll return to it someday.
BrightSide and I were very clear with him, though, that giving up Tae Kwon Do didn’t mean he’d be chilling at home, skating with his friends every afternoon. (I’m not a mom who feels they need to be scheduled every day, but that much free time for those boys is nothing but a recipe for disaster.) His response was swift – gymnastics. He wants to do gymnastics.
I just kind of looked at him for a minute, befuddled, then thought well, that makes sense. Because I’ve never seen a boy who loves flipping through the air quite as much as T-man does. He’s taught himself front flips, back flips, and all kinds of other crazy aerial maneuvers on the trampoline. He’ll do any of these at the pool, along with a wicked back layout off the high dive that stopped my heart the first few times I watched. I got him to show me his cartwheel and roundoff and it turns out the boy’s pretty darn acrobatic in general, so it looks like we’ll be trying a gymnastics class to see if that’s a good fit.
Bear, on the other hand, is still struggling here. In a way I already think she has an extracurricular because she’s doing STEM club (Science Technology Engineering & Math) at school this year. Once T-man said he was doing gymnastics she jumped on board that train – she loves to do stuff with her brother – but when push comes to shove I just don’t know if it’s going to work out. She’s incredibly strong but not as nimble as he is, so when she tried to demonstrate some of the skills she needs in order to join a Gymnastics 2 class she struggled a bit.
One night this week was particularly difficult. We’re down the the wire here – trial classes are in less than two weeks – but she had trouble doing a kickover from a backbend both times she tried. Next thing I know she’d collapsed in tears, saying she doesn’t think gymnastics is her thing but that she needs a year-round active sport because she’s getting fat.
Wait, what?! Where did THIS come from? (And why does it always seem to hit the fan when I’m supposed to be finishing up dinner?) Bear said nothing in particular had happened, no one had said anything to her, it was just something she’d been worrying about. It was through sheer force of will that I managed not to beat my head against a wall.
Mostly because I thought we’d made real progress on this at her well-visit in July. I’d postponed her appointment so we could meet with her usual pediatrician, a fabulous female doctor who’s black and kind and straightforward, someone who doesn’t duck a question and addresses surrounding issues at the same time. I wanted Bear to talk with her about the changes happening in her body, being healthy vs. being thin/fat, and what had gone on with the third grade girls and their catty weight comments last school year.
T-man stayed in the waiting room while we had what I thought was a very good talk with her doctor. She discussed Bear’s BMI, and how dangerous it is to fall into the trap of thinking losing weight is always the best thing. That people who are overweight have health issues, but people who are too thin have health problems, too. And she didn’t shy away from the fact that peer pressure is a big problem, especially among girls, and that the peer pressure was going to get worse. Much worse.
I left the office feeling good, and after talking with Bear that night I felt even better. She really seemed to have internalized what Dr. M. was trying to tell her. But then this week happened, and I remembered that this body image thing isn’t a simple fix. That one appointment won’t make her insecurities disappear, and those feelings will mess with her head over and over again until she’s old enough to (hopefully) get it for good.
But I digress. Bear’s still facing this extracurricular activity decision, and it’s turned into something of a mess. Her second choice after gymnastics? Horsebackriding. Ummm…no. We know a kid who rides, but his stable was closing, and the only other place I’ve heard of is about 40 minutes from our house. I’ll do a lot for my kids, but pay for horsebackriding (not exactly an inexpensive hobby) and commute 80-90 minutes weekly to do it? I don’t think so.
I’m hoping I’ll be struck by divine intervention because at the moment we’re at an impasse. At this rate the child might end up staring at the walls this fall. Could someone please tell me why neither child stuck with soccer? The one sport I played long term, fully understand, and coached? Can’t make things easy, I guess.
Riddle from the Middle 