10 Reasons My Kids are A-Holes: All In A Dad’s Work

“I wrote once that I wanted to keep my kids from being a-holes so that when they grew up they could be respectful, contributing citizens of wherever they live.

But right now?  Right now they’re a-holes.  Especially, to each other.  I thought it was just a phase.  I thought it would pass.  It’s been 10 and 6 years.  It hasn’t passed.”

Potty Parties: People I Want to Punch in the Throat

“No, no, no, no, no!!  You can have a birthday party, a graduation party (even from preschool and Kindergarten if you must), a Halloween party, a baptism party, a Christmas party, a Hanukkah party, a Valentine’s Day party, a Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah, a first communion party, even a tea party, but I must draw the line at a potty party.”

Friendship requests suck donkey balls and should go away: Baby SideBurns

“There it is.  Sitting there.  That blank line.  With two of the most annoying words in the history of popularity.  Friendship request.  Yup, I was filling out the camp forms last night and there was that line staring up at me.  And it says it has to be reciprocal.  Oh shit, I better make that totally uncomfortable phone call to Betty McBoopypants and ask her if our kids can request each other.  I feel like I’m in the 9th grade again asking a boy to go with me to Homecoming.”

Twenty Things You Can Do When the World is Terrifying: I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog

“Just about a year ago, I wrote a post called “Fifteen Things You Can Do When The World Is Shitty and Terrifying.”  Last year, I was sad and angry about the death of Laquan MacDonald.  I was outraged that a man with an assault rifle began to shoot up a Colorado Planned Parenthood.  I was heartbroken about the Syrian Refugee Crisis.

That seems almost quaint today.”

7 Ways I’m Teaching My Daughter The Art Of Being A Girl Boss: Scary Mommy

“I shut the radio off and decided it was a good time to talk to my daughter about being a ‘difficult’ woman.

I want to her to be fiery.  I want her to be difficult.  I want her to be a girl-boss — not a bossy girl; there is a difference.  I am proud that she has mastered the art of not putting up with anyone’s bullshit at such a young age.  I like how she doesn’t pour on the drama every chance she gets; she is stoic.  She was just born this way, and it’s who she is through and through.”