1. The eight-year-old boy in Colorado who fought off a mountain lion. With a stick. And survived. A cricket makes me skitter sideways in the basement but okay, kid, you do you.
2. Federal prosecutors recommended Felicity Huffman serve one month in jail for her part in a college admissions scandal. The fact that she might skate after thirty days with a $20,000 fine and one year probation was surprising, more so after I saw what they’d doled out to Tanya McDowell. In 2011 McDowell, a homeless mom in Bridgeport, CT, was charged with first-degree larceny for enrolling her five-year-old in a neighboring district. She eventually took a plea deal and served five years in prison – for trying to get her kid a decent education.
3. Listen, I’m not naming names, but if they can arrest a Tennessee man for riding a horse while drunk then surely something can be done about some of the other highly public madness happening right now. [side note: I wondered what FoxNews was reporting to avoid addressing the shit storm we’re in. This is it.)
4. Falling in the “never would I ever” category: Inviting Taliban leaders onto American soil the week of 9/11, being surprised when terrorists kill innocent people as a power play, and tweeting I cancelled the super secret meeting that I was responsible for in the first place. Jesus.
5. This one’s a little tricky. I argue for women’s reproductive rights all day, every day. I’m hard pressed to say those decisions aren’t best made by a woman and her doctor, but then I see this. A seventy-three year old woman who just gave birth to twins – conceived through IVF to boot. What kind of physician meets with his seventy-plus patient and her eighty-year-old husband then says “yeah, sure, let’s get you pregnant.”?
6. So, did you know you could cancel primaries? Like, just…CANCEL them? As in, “Sure, we live in a democracy and yeah, we’re coming up on an election year, but our state’s not gonna hold a primary. Nah, we’re good. Just put the president’s name on the ballot and call it a day.” WTF.
7. And can someone tell me what the f*ck is up with these military layovers at Trump’s high end resorts? a) I’d like to pay the least amount possible for refueling, thanks. b) I can guaran-damn-tee you these are not your typical accommodations covered under military per diems. c) The only (and I mean THE ONLY) way I’d be like “oh, cool” is if Trump comped all those stays as some kind of Americans support Americans movement. Except he didn’t. Well, looks like it’s all under review now.
8. 99% of Dorian headlines were atrocious so one about parking the car in your kitchen was a welcome respite. But the thing that really put it over the top was the photo. Bless.
9. $3.6 billion in military projects shelved so Trump can build his wall. You know, the one Mexico was gonna pay for. Don’t worry, I’m sure that middle school in Kentucky was a vanity project. Same for the hazardous materials warehouse updates.
10. Goats. Because sometimes the invasion is of the four legged grazing kind.