I’m out here shaving my legs like I didn’t just wage world war 3 in my kitchen. Against myself. With witnesses in the house.

Bless.

It all started with wanting to make baked goods. Madness, really, who tries to bake before having coffee on a Monday morning? I did. It was me.

In true If You Give A Moose A Muffin form it started with eggs. There were none in the house but I remembered one lonely carton in the garage fridge so off I go. Why bother bringing the whole carton in, I thought. Let’s just grab an egg and keep it moving. Which is when the egg slipped from my hands, cracking wide open on the smooth cement floor in front of the fridge. Crap.

Wait! There’s a roll of paper towels in the pet supply bin! Except there wasn’t because some industrious soul removed it. Or maybe we just ran out and nobody replaced it. We’ll never know.

Cue frantic run back into the house for cleaning supplies. Gracie graciously remained sprawled directly in my path, forcing a sort of Flo Jo move that was a gamble for me even in a non-frantic state. Luckily the gods were with me.

We’ll fast forward through the cleanup to the point when I actually read the directions and realized I needed not one egg but four. Back to the garage but this time with a bowl because mama didn’t raise a fool and I’m not cleaning that floor again.

I gather up the rest of the ingredients and try to figure out where the hell all my 1/4 cup measuring cups went. Fine, fine, let’s put that 1/3 cup canola oil in the bowl then head to the sink to hunt one down. That’s when the open bottle of oil slipped from my hands, bouncing on the counter before flipping over and glug glugging contents over the counter as well as Gracie’s pill organizer.

Yes, our dog has a pill organizer, don’t get distracted.

That’s about the time I shouted some choice words, houseguests be damned. I snatched up the now slippery and dripping container, spun around, and shoved it under running water. I don’t know what I thought that would do, oil and water blah blah blah, but there it is. Interesting fact about pill organizers? They’re not waterproof. Or oil proof, come to think of it.

So I’ve cleaned up goopy garage floor egg and now I’m faced with oil all over the counter and an oil/water combo dissolving Gracie’s pills and well…sometimes a girl’s gotta have a good cry to reset.

Moral of the story? Hell, I don’t have one of those. But eventually I had my coffee cake so I guess there’s that.