It’s a throwback kinda Monday. There was a time (an incredibly short lived time, BUT A TIME NONETHELESS) when I was going to the gym at the freaking crack of dawn. Anyone who’s encountered me at that hour will attest that I’m certainly not a crack of dawn person. If possible I became even less of a morning person when I hauled myself out of bed, wrestled into a sports bra, and tried to participate in actual exercise. While it was still dark out. Bless.

At any rate, here’s my recounting of the day I conquered the gym’s stretching machine. It sounds very “she scaled Mount Everest!!!” which is, well…fair. For my crack of dawn brain and ability it was roughly equivalent to scaling Mount Everest.

We take the wins where we can find them.

“I’m out here conquering ridiculously medieval contraptions before 7am. Call me a superhero.“

Originally published 3/2/23.

Y’all. I got on this machine at the gym this morning.

Narrator: She did indeed go to the gym. At 5:45 in the AM hours. While it was raining. [hold for applause]

Well, it’s not so much a machine as a complicated stretching contraption with a rotating seat and a kneel pad and bars you grasp in different configurations. Still, it’s plopped right in the middle of the weight machines so by extension…

I digress.

I am not exaggerating when I say this device had scared me. So much so I’ve looked at it for a few months thinking don’t be ridiculous, Laura, that’s a terrible idea. Unless you want to end up sprawled on the floor amidst these people busy lifting then by all means, go right ahead.

Up to this point my Panicky Voice won out, but then a miracle happened. This morning my Logic Voice decided to show up.

My Logic Voice said don’t be a baby, Laura. (Logic Voice can be a bit gruff.) There’s a whole series of photos with written directions RIGHT ON THE BARS. Look at them posted RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR VERY OWN EYEBALLS. And seeing as you have indeed learned how to both read and comprehend — especially in short, digestible chunks — there is no earthly reason you cannot stretch on this crazy medieval contraption. Climb on up there and let’s give it a go.

I’m sure my readers will be pleased to know I’m not writing this from the floor at the Y. Yay for 6am courage.