Toblerones vs. babies – the struggle is real

Remember the thrill of moving around Life’s board?  Choosing a career, buying a house, getting surprised with twins (or triplets!)…you never knew what surprises lay in wait.  For those of you looking for a virtual game of Life, check out this Raquel D’Apice post on whether to have kids.

“Hi, I’m a woman in my late 20’s.  I’ve been married for 3 years but we fight a lot and it seems to be getting worse rather than better.  I felt like if I got pregnant it might help give our relationship an anchor—something we both love that would bring us closer together??  What should I do?

Solution:  EAT A TOBLERONE

Thanks for writing.  If you’re really worried about your relationship, a fun thing might be to eat a Toblerone Lady-and-the-Tramp style, each of you starting at one end of the Toblerone while you gaze into each other’s eyes and then later your partner could roll a separate Toblerone toward you with his nose?  (Hard though, because Toblerones are triangular and will not roll easily.)  Probably do not have a baby though, sorry!”

Should I Have a Baby or Eat a Toblerone? | The Ugly Volvo

anticipation, that first circle of hell, and the never ending concert

In honor of winding up the school year (or having just finished, depending upon your luck), here’s a word from an epic school band parent.

Phase I:  Excitement and anticipation.

Whether you child plays woodwinds, brass, or percussion (like mine), you will be excited to attend this important event, potentially the performance of a lifetime.  All year your child has been waking up early twice a week to get to band practice, instrument in tow.  Finally you get to hear the fruits of his labor!  You mark your calendar, rearrange appointments, and shuffle any competing extracurricular activities so that the whole family is available to be in attendance.  How often are you treated to a night of FREE musical entertainment, after all?”

The 10 phases of attending a school band concert | Screaming into my Pillow

because sometimes you need a big belly laugh

This week has been full of adulting.  Life and such, you know.  I won’t bore you with the details.

Forever Family is on vacation today.  Instead, here are some links to check out (along with the most memorable hook from each).  Happy reading! 

I blame the rickets. – The Bloggess

“In an act of solidarity, Victor has decided to go on the diet with me, which seems incredibly sweet except that it seems crazy easy for him and he’s a dude so he basically doesn’t eat a sandwich for one afternoon and loses 87 pounds and becomes immortal.”

Per the TSA I’m a bread carrying, lock picking, weirdo… – But That’s For Another Blog

“It took everything in my power not to yell, “HOLY CRAP THAT LOOKS LIKE A BOMB!!”.”

5 Parenting Conversations I Am So Done With – ravishly

“But if I am holding an amber beer in my hand, I am not talking about naptimes.  If I hear shop from your lips, I am ordering you three more martinis and getting you shitfaced until you start solving the world’s problems based on this crazy theory you had when you were 22.  Then I’m driving your relaxed, adult ass back home.”

Ten things I REALLY want to do alone once in a while – Baby Sideburns

“I want to get dressed all by myself.

KID:  Beep beep beep, you are a robot.

A. I am NOT an F’ing robot.   B. Stop pressing my nipples. They are NOT buttons.”

The 33-Step Extremely Fun Board Game of Having a Second Child – The Ugly Volvo

“10.) Older child gets lice. Lose a turn. Pay $50 for lice shampoos and wire combs.

11.) You get lice. Lose a turn.

12.) You briefly thank your lucky stars that younger child does not have enough hair to get lice.  Advance one space!  YOU WILL WIN THIS GAME IF IT KILLS YOU AND OMG, THE GAME KILLING YOU LOOKS LIKE AN ACTUAL, REAL POSSIBILITY.

texts, kickball, and the trauma of the waiting period

And I’m sharing this one because…well, because it caught my eye.  And I thought it was fun.  Not fun in a “isn’t it funny this guy Josh has anxiety issues” but fun as in “OMG, it’s like reading a transcript of my brain!!”

“Since most people have a smart phone and it is assumed that the device is on one’s person at all times, if a message is sent and not immediately replied to it seems as though something was wrong with the message you sent or that the person who responded to that message doesn’t like you. At least that’s how you think if you are a socially anxious person. I don’t really know how normal people respond to this. They probably think rational things like “Hey! This person didn’t respond because they are driving, or eating or playing kickball! BECAUSE KICKBALL IS FUN!!!!” “

Interviews and Butt-faces. And Something About Millennials Maybe? I Don’t Know. Not Really. I Mean There’s Stuff About the Modern World But Not Millennials. And I Don’t Really Bash Them Much So I Probably Won’t Go Viral and Get Views. Okay, This is Stupid. Where’s the Fear Stuff. Boo. Gotcha. Now It’s about Fear. – The Scardiest Cat on the Block

what separates us from the primates (besides opposable thumbs)

The debates are endless and will forever rage on because food.  Who doesn’t have an opinion about food?  No one, that’s who.  I’ve yet to hear someone say, “You know, I have absolutely no preference when it comes to food.  I’ll eat anything…hell, feed me Cream of Wheat three times a day, I’m just fine.”

Nope.  Folks have their opinions, and they tend to be pretty hearty ones, too.  Here are some of Paul’s.

“So the debate around here lately is about whether or not pineapples belong on pizza. It’s gotten heated.

I don’t really want to pick a side because I’ve agreed with both sides at one point in my life. And honestly, I don’t really care. People have been putting pineapple on pizza for a long time. Why is it an issue now?

Trust me, I’m the first person to speak out on food faux pas. If I see someone spread ketchup on top of their fries, I cringe and then walk over to them and throw their fries out.

But this pineapple debate is just silly. Do what you want.”

What’s Yummy In Your Tummy? | The Captain’s Speech

15 suggestions for flying without your electronic partner

The fella over at Ah dad… is all about the funny.  Even his “All About Me” page makes you giggle.  But he’s also got a big heart, and this particular post focuses that goodwill squarely on travelers facing airports without their laptops to comfort them.

Oh, the humanity.

Among other suggestions for ways to occupy time while waiting in the airport:

“1.  Follow random people around the airport like you’re an FBI agent tracking a suspect…

4.   Buy a magazine and start swotting imaginary flies around the terminal…

11.  If you’re in a group stand in a circle and chant.”

What to do at an airport without a laptop | Ah dad…

silence can be golden. or at least safe.

Even as a nerdy vocabulary lover like me hits words that cause an unreasonable amount of anxiety.  Someone explain again how the English language manages to butcher any concept of predictable grammar rules.

“I often come across words I would like to use in conversation, but don’t because I’m not sure how to pronounce them.

If I say them correctly, I will sound smart, but I mispronounce them I will surely sound vacuous or fatuous.

Those are two good examples right there.  I think the first word is vack-you-us or something close to that, but I am not too confident.  I would pronounce the other word fat-you-us but for some reason it apparently has a “ch” sound in it.  Some words are just best left unsaid.”

Top 5 Words I Would Use In Conversation If I Knew How To Pronounce Them – nickclaussen.com

the things you think about when you marry a white guy

A beautifully written insight into interracial marriage in America.

“The fact that I am in an interracial relationship isn’t something that I think about a lot.  It helps that I am as white-washed as Dan is yellow-washed…But the truth is that Dan will always be white, even when his Mandarin is better than his English.  And I will always be Asian, even though my English has always been better than my Mandarin.  Since we’ve gotten married, I haven’t really thought that much about being in an interracial marriage, but I have begun to realize what it means to be married to a white guy.  When I say white guy, I don’t mean any Caucasian male.  I mean white, upper-middle class, American, possibly Jewish guy who was born to a mom who baked and a dad who raked the yard and who had 1.5 siblings.”

When You’re Married to a White Guy | Rebecca Cao