Last weekend definitely positioned me as front-runner for Mom of the Year. I’m so confident in my candidacy that I’m already preparing my acceptance speech.
You see, we have a local band called The Fabulous Lumpsters. They play every few years as a fundraiser for the United Way, but I’d never been able to make it to a show. BrightSide saw their last concert and said it was fantastic, so when the chance to see them came up this month he was determined that I’d go, too.
Well, we ran into a couple of snags with that plan.
Snag #1 was our sitter. There’s a girl in the neighborhood who comes once a month for Date Night, but she was going to be out of town. In a stunning lack of resources, this girl is literally the only sitter we have. All of our others have graduated and gone on to college so they’re available during school vacations, but other than that? We’re pretty much SOL.
Not that we didn’t try. BrightSide reached out for names, I reached out for more, but nothing came together so I figured that was that. BrightSide would not be swayed, though. I was seeing this concert, come hell or high water. This was when he came up with the plan that I bring the kids with me.
My first reaction was to laugh at the insanity of it. My second was mental calisthenics as I tried to wrap my brain around how it could possibly work.
Snag #2 was the fact that the kids already had plans. Their back-to-school dance was the same night (although since this is elementary school, “night” means 5:30-7:30pm), and both T-man and Bear were super excited about it. There was no way I’d be able to convince them to skip it so we could all go to The Lumpsters together. BrightSide had an answer for this one, too. “No problem! Just pick them up from the dance and head on over; the band doesn’t start playing until late anyway.”
This was crazy. It was Friday night. I was tired. The kids were tired. They’d be even more worn out after dancing and playing with their friends for two hours. Bear was also determined to wear a pretty dress to the dance, which meant pulling into a parking lot so she could change in the back seat. But BrightSide was emphatic when he said I really needed to see these guys play, so we made it work.
Snag #3 happened when we hit the venue. People were parking in a lot across the street and walking over, but despite pulling in and weaving all the way to the back there were absolutely no spaces left. I drove further up the road to pull into another lot but wasn’t feeling good about it: there were no cars around, it was already dark, and I’d have to walk my two young kids back up a poorly lit two-lane road to get to the venue.
Luckily BrightSide’s company was one of the fundraiser’s sponsors, so he talked the lady out front into letting me pull just inside the fence and park in the grass. That’s probably about the time I realized I was taking the kids to a biker bar. Mom-of-the-Year move #1, ladies and gentlemen.
The band was just starting to play as we walked back toward the performance area. There was a large building that held the bar and a bunch of pool tables. To the side of that was a parking lot where people had brought their chairs, and the stage was set up in the very back. BrightSide wasn’t kidding – this event was huge, and I understood why once the band began to play. They’re very talented, play a wide range of music, and have a great stage presence. Costume changes, backup dancers, stage theatrics…there was something for everyone.
We headed toward the stage to enjoy the show while the kids moved off to the side to play with their friend. They were having a fantastic time. Well, except for that time the angry drunk lady yelled at them for playing near her. Nice, right? (Exposing my kids to large crowds of increasingly drunk adults = Mom-of-the-Year move #2, folks.)
On a personal note, I’m kind of a lightweight. As in, I absolutely can’t drive after I drink. One beer makes a ridiculously huge difference in my brain so if I show up somewhere in a car I’m actually driving, everything that happens after that has to be extremely well thought out.
So when my friend piped up with “Tequila shots?” my immediate reply was “Let me touch base with BrightSide.” This sounds a bit like “my-husband-has-to-approve-my-drinking” but it’s more like “I drove here; I’d better make sure my husband will drive me home before I say yes.” (‘Cause safety first, y’all.)
This would be how I found myself in the midst of Mom-of-the-Year moment #3, doing tequila shooters beside the stage with my friend. The Before-Children me would never have considered this behavior acceptable. However…the Fabulous Lumpsters became even more fabulous, the kids were having a blast playing, and all was good.
Mom-of-the-Year moment #4 happened during the concert’s last song. I was holding a beer and Bear was standing beside me, listening to the music. She looked up at me, serious as could be, and said, “You know you have to drive soon, right, mom?” Oh, bless your sweet little heart, honey bun…there’s no way on God’s green earth I would get behind the wheel tonight with your precious self in the back seat. I simply told her that dad was driving home because it’s important to be safe. (‘Cause teachable moment, y’all.)
Drinking responsibly led to Mom-of-the-Year moment #5 the next morning – taking the kids back to get the second car before going to IHOP (with all the hungover college kids) for breakfast.
You can see how I’m a shoe-in for this award, right? Sorry, ladies…it looks like you’ll have to wait ’til next year to claim this title.
Riddle from the Middle 