There’s a spectrum for children’s movies.

Some movies I genuinely enjoy watching, so when the kids asked to watch one of these for a third (or fifth, or tenth) time I didn’t want to hide under a blanket.  Sometimes I was even the one rooting for the movie.

Some kids’ movies are pretty bad.  It could be anything from horrid plot lines to terrible writing, but for whatever reason they were tough enough to sit through the first time.  If T-man or Bear wanted to watch it again they’d suddenly find me tackling (insert boring household task I’d been ignoring all week here).

And then there are some children’s movies that are absolutely, positively annoying on every level.  Nails on a chalkboard annoying.  Two hour layover turned into seven hour delay annoying.  Trapped in an elevator behind massive man with b.o. annoying.  These are the movies I avoid like the plague.

Today’s PSA lists some of the movies on my spectrum.  This is far from exhaustive, but it’s what comes to mind tonight.

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The Good:

Bee Movie – There aren’t that many animated movies I could watch repeatedly, but this is one of them.  Capsule summary:  A bee’s existential crisis when faced with choosing his lifelong job leads him to leave his hive, break a sacrosanct bee rule (no communicating with humans), and nearly destroy the environment before saving it.  Great writing, an interesting plot, and a unique perspective make the Bee Movie entertaining, and there’s enough adult humor hidden in the movie to keep me laughing.

E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial – Okay, who doesn’t love this movie from the ’80s about a boy’s adventure?  Capsule summary: Boy discovers and bonds with alien, builds a communication device to contact the mother ship, and fights to keep his alien friend out of government hands until he can safely return home.  Belief in the impossible, seeing the world in black and white, fighting to protect someone weak from the big, bad grown-ups…this movie has all the elements that make you stand up and cheer for the hero at the end.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) – I actually like both renditions of this movie, which I’m sure purists will find blasphemous but so be it.  Capsule summary:  Five children win a tour of a reclusive candy man’s factory, time filled with striking life lessons about character traits and parenting.  I fell in love with the original film’s Oompa Loompas, spontaneous songs, and its creation of a candy factory so magically outrageous you couldn’t help but hope it exists somewhere in the world.  I only recently saw the 2005 version, and Johnny Depp is fantastic as Willy Wonka.

any of the Harry Potter movies – Yes, all of the books are better than the movies.  That’s a given.  But…if you can put aside the books and appreciate the movies on their own, these are terrific.  Capsule summary (if you can call eight movie summaries “capsule”):  A mistreated orphan discovers he’s a wizard, and in the process of reaching his potential discovers the meaning of true friendship and good versus evil.  (Hey, that wasn’t too bad.)  Bear’s seen movies one and two, and T-man watched movie three a few weeks ago.  I can’t wait until they age into the others.

The Bad:

The Little Mermaid – Bear loved this movie; it made me grind my teeth.  Capsule summary:  Mermaid falls in love with handsome prince, makes a deal with the sea witch and heads to land to find her man.  She’s on a deadline to receive love’s true kiss; otherwise she returns to the sea and belongs to the sea witch forever.  A couple of lessons tucked in here:  It’s perfectly logical to literally change yourself to get a man, even at the risk of losing your freedom. Also, appearance is what matters.  (Ariel won’t need something as silly as her voice to get the prince to fall in love with her in three days.)  I’m not a big fan of either of these messages.

101 Dalmatians – I know, what kind of person doesn’t like the movie about a puppy rescue?  “Bad” is a little harsh here; it falls in this category because it was a one-and-done for me.  Capsule summary:  Man and dog meet woman and dog, they fall in love and get married.  Dalmatians have puppies, evil woman steals them, dogs go on a quest to save their babies but end up bringing home 99 puppies in all.  It’s cute, yes, but that’s pretty much it.  There’s nothing interesting to grab onto, just a storyline designed to make you love the adorable puppies then root for their rescue.  Cute the first time. Boring every time after that.

Sleeping Beauty (the original Disney animated version) – Just…ugh.  Capsule summary:  Princess is born but an evil sorceress curses her to die on her 16th birthday.  She grows up in the woods, falls in love with a boy on her 16th birthday, and returns to the castle only to fall into a trance.  The prince’s kiss wakes her and they are betrothed.  So let’s see…the girl lives a life made up of lies, falls in love with the first stranger she meets, and can only be saved by a boy’s kiss.  Call me a feminist, but all of this strikes me as just a little too “stand there and look pretty.”

The Ugly:

Bratz – Sweet Mary, mother of God, I want these two hours of my life back.  Capsule summary:  Four girls with unique interests start high school as best friends, split into cliques, lose touch for years, reunite through detention, fight the popular girl to stick together, are blackmailed to be kept out of a talent show, then end up revealing their own secrets to take back their power.  Oh, plus they win the talent show and everyone ends up with their crushes.  Where do I even begin?!  Shallow girl characters, horrible acting, too much stupid and too little strength.  Plus everything’s just peachy when you end up with a dreamy boy.

Star Wars (Episodes I, II, and III) –  I know there’s a chance I’ll be slammed for this; Star Wars fans are hardcore.  But I just didn’t take to the movies released in 1999, 2002, and 2005.  Capsule summary:  Sorry…I’ve got nothing.  Seriously, I can barely focus on the screen while T-man watches these.  Convoluted storylines, elaborate themes, details that cross back and forth over movies.  Frankly, the whole thing just gives me a headache.

The Cheetah Girls – Another dreadful TV movie that reared its ugly head in Bear’s “girl groups” phase.  Capsule summary:  Four teen girls go to a performing arts high school and want to be the first freshmen group to win the school’s talent show.  Big time producer scoops them up and conflicts ensue when personalities start changing.  My objections to this are similar to the Bratz movie – no time for stupid girl stuff around here, people.  Lucky me, this was a franchise.  I was also subjected to The Cheetah Girls 2 and The Cheetah Girls: One World.  There are no words.

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And those are a few of my good, bad, and ugly viewing experiences.  What are some of your most memorable ones?