1. Not everybody can peel a banana. Who knew.
2. “Coarse sugar” roughly translates to chunky sugar sprinkles.
3. They are delightful on muffins.
4. Doesn’t matter how many experts recommend it as a pantry staple, I’ve never actually used a jar of sun dried tomatoes. Bought them, yes. Used them, no.
5. Ditto for artichoke hearts.
6. Real butter makes all the difference.
7. Scrambling an egg and microwaving turkey sausage takes, at most, 180 seconds longer than setting up a bowl of cereal. Put in the three minutes.
8. Coffee with sugar and cream increases serotonin levels.
9. Said coffee in the right mug can turn my whole morning around.
10. Writing while a dog lies across my foot is particularly fulfilling.
11. Ditto for the kitty stretched out in her pillow on the kitchen table.
12. Dogs like shoulder rubs, too.
13. Sometimes just as much as belly rubs.
14. I didn’t think there was a difference between sock brands. I was wrong.
15. Ditto for bras.
16. Well made shoes take care of your feet. Spend the money.
17. There’s a lot to be said for yoga pants.
18. I like a moscato. No, it doesn’t matter what we’re eating.
19. Doritos are gluten free, praise be.
20. But moscato and Doritos don’t mix. I learned that the hard way.
21. Pizza and moscato? Now those mix.
22. It’s okay to say I’ll never watch another movie by a certain director again. (I’m talking to you, Quentin Tarantino.)
23. At forty-eight I can say with 100% certainty I can’t stomach that level of blood.
24. I also can’t stomach mussels, open sewage, standing on a rope bridge a thousand miles up, and violent air turbulence.
25. No one will tackle you if you go to the bathroom, even if the fasten seatbelt light is illuminated.
26. Sometimes there really, truly is no other choice.
27. Because given the choice between peeing my pants or enduring a flight attendant’s wrath, I’ll take the wrath.
28. I can fold a fitted sheet well.
29. And I feel absolutely no need to iron sheets.
30. Ditto for jeans.
31. I base 94% of clothing purchase decisions on care instructions.
32. I believe in at home dry cleaning with Dryel™ for the 2% of dry clean only clothes I own.
33. Except fancy dresses. Those go to the professionals.
34. I’m a believer in paying for expertise.
35. Seahorses kind of freak me out. Thinking about them bobbing around upright in the water like some sort of aquatic merry go round – it’s just weird.
36. Robes work better in theory. They’re either too short, too long, knotted in a weird place, or the top unexpectedly flops open while you’re having breakfast.
37. Highlighter swept along the top of the cheekbone, below the brow bone, and at the inner corner of my eye really does make me look more alert.
38. I’ve reached that awkward age where my eyebrows have thinned, leaving me with two options. A) Embrace eyebrow pencil, or B) feel like my eyeballs float weirdly around an abnormally large forehead.
39. I feel naked if I leave the house without eyebrow pencil and mascara.
40. I look zombielike if I leave the house without concealer.
41. YouTube is filled with all manner of moronic stunt videos, but it also stores a treasure trove of How To tutorials. Like how to do basic makeup when you’ve made do your whole life with only a CoverGirl compact.
42. I’ve yet to see someone who wears a bandana well.
43. Ditto for platform sneakers.
44. I enjoy asparagus but not enough to endure post-asparagus pee.
45. After five years I can change the water filter on our fridge without looking at the directions.
46. Farm fresh eggs have thicker shells, darker yolks, and taste better than grocery store eggs. Yes, they cost more. They’re worth it.
47. I will go to my grave still learning things I didn’t know I still needed to learn.