Google searches can convict, it’s a fact. My search history is relatively tame but in the end everything is up for interpretation. Let’s get ahead of that, shall we?

how to get blood out of a couch

Could that be ketchup? Sure it could.

Could I have accused BrightSide of spilling ketchup? Also sure.

Was it in fact blood? Sadly, yes. Also sadly, I’ve yet to find a way to get it completely out. Taking tips in the comments.

best waterproof mattress pads

Thankfully this is related to cat pee and not, say, blood. Though I guess it doesn’t specify. See Friday’s post for all the gory details.

how to stop spam texts

A recent flood of political texts – oddly enough, from a political party I do not align with – is driving me to murderous thoughts. Just saying.

passport applications

Not sketchy on its own but combined with the blood search a prosecutor could make a case.

treatment for bruises

This isn’t looking great.

how to open She Loves lip gloss

I WAS HAVING A BAD MORNING, OKAY?? Don’t judge me.

how to properly pick up a cat

Phew boy. Blood on couch, bruise treatment…it’s starting to look like I mistreat my animals. Not good.

ibuprofen vs. acetaminophen

The number of times I’ve googled this over the years…

strep throat symptoms

Because February has been kicking our collective ass.

post surgical wound care

See ass kicking comment above.