1. You know how sometimes you sit down to write a blog post and stare at the screen then google two or twelve ideas and stare at the screen some more then wonder if you should rent a movie to reset your brain so an idea will show up but you can’t find a movie and you still don’t have a blog post idea? No? Okay, well, that’s how writing works sometimes. Good stuff.
2. We had some seriously cra-cra weather move through here yesterday, man.
3. A flash flood warning popped up but I didn’t think much about it. I mean sure, it was raining, but it’s FEBRUARY for heaven’s sake. How much rain could we possibly get?
4. Then we heard some of the schools were dismissing early. Not ours, but once one goes you have to keep an eye on the rest.
5. Then they added a severe thunderstorm watch. Again, in February. What the what.
6. And because we needed the trifecta up popped a tornado watch.
7. It was shortly after that our school called for an early dismissal because ain’t nobody messing with thunder, lightning, flooding, and a tornado. Next thing you know the hell mouth would open behind the soccer field.
8. That trifecta became my personal quadrepticle (totally a thing) once I realized short of shattering the space/time continuum I couldn’t actually pick up my kids on time.
9. You want to see
panic grace under pressure? Try driving through insane weather toward an unmissable appointment while finding someone to help and getting word to your kids.
10. It takes a village, people, and if you spoke to me at any point yesterday I thank you dearly for wading through the mama frenzy with me.
11. On the plus side the arrival of end times in our neck of the woods cleared the schedule for the rest of the day.
12. Nothing screams we’re taking tornados seriously like bacon for dinner.
13. It’ll take days to get the smell out of this house but nobody cares because mmmm, bacon.
14. Then again, maybe it’ll kill the paint smell and that right there would be a major blessing.
15. We painted our bedroom and bathroom this week and because I’m delightfully high maintenance I can’t breathe in those rooms.
16. Other people choke up walking past folks on smoke break, right? That’s not just me?
17. In my experience there’s no such thing as an undetectable smell.
18. I haven’t tested that theory on carbon monoxide, though. Don’t bank on it.
19. So the paint smell has been…challenging.
20. Open windows during rainy tornado conditions have also been challenging.
21. I’m a little too tossy-turny to be comfortable sleeping on this couch either.
22. Add a forty-five pound dog pinning my legs down and things get not-good really fast.
23. Let’s just say I need to get back into my bed. Like, ASAP. Cuz sleep.
24. Did I mention I bought one of those cocktail shakers?
25. Which makes me think of Tom Cruise in Cocktail. Anyone else?
26. No, I’m not renting Cocktail, I can’t explain Tom Cruise to my daughter right now.
27. I can explain how wonderful this margarita is, though. It is fourteen kinds of wonderful, thank you very much.
28. So wonderful that maybe I won’t even cry when temps drop into the fifties tomorrow.
29. Yeah, I know, it’s February, it should be in the fifties. Which is what made this week of sixty- and seventy-degree days pretty weird.
30. I say embrace the weird.
31. Except maybe it would be nice if the kids got to see at least one snow this
32. It’s hard to call this winter when there’s zero winter weather.
33. And I’m just gonna do a preemptive SHUSH here in response to any future complaining from yours truly about being too cold.
34. For a second there I thought that said being too old.
35. Because sometimes I am but really, what’s the point in complaining about it.
36. Age is just a number, blah blah blah.
37. You know what else is a number? The speed limit, the setting on a flat iron, and 911 but I’d say it’s pretty crucial to get those right.
38. Most of you know I opted out of the Super Bowl. I’m also thinking I may be the last person in America who hasn’t seen the halftime show with Jennifer Lopez and Shakira.
39. I’ve been following the opinions, though, and it does indeed seem like everybody’s got one.
40. Opinion A: Those amazing women are incredible performers. I wish I looked half as good at their age. Their show was a great blend of culture, talent, and commentary.
41. Opinion B: Those amazing women completely undercut their message. Instead of empowering women they said being sexy is what gets you heard, not what’s in your brain. Also, after my kids watched them slut dance on tv I had to wash out their eyeballs with soap and put porn restrictions on our internet account.
42. At the risk of sounding flippant, I don’t need to see the show to make this particular commentary. If you’re turning to the Super Bowl for family friendly halftime entertainment you’ve a) miscalculated the goal of the halftime show, and b) not been paying attention to the last decade or so.
43. Not to say your entire family can’t enjoy the show, but if a boob accidentally pops out or a shirtless guy who’s all tatted up struts around the stage or there’s twerking then you’ll either be lucky enough that your kid’s not paying attention or you’ll answer an uncomfortable question.
44. In twenty years or so you can come at me with stats to back up the J Lo and Shakira ruined my kids, my girl’s a stripper and my boy pimps out a crew of eight, DAMN THAT LATIN MUSIC. Until then can we just chill?
46. Have any of you seen The Report on Prime? Seriously fantastic piece. It shows some hard truths about enhanced interrogation techniques but it’s worth your time.
47. Also, like most of the people I follow on twitter, I got sucked into Cheer on Netflix. Those two delights right there tell you everything you need to know about the vast scope of what fascinates my brain.
48. Like Messiah (another Netflix gem). Whoa, that one was a thinker, but in the best way.
49. I’ve started Surviving R. Kelly but that one’s tougher to watch so I’m taking it in pieces.
50. I’ve made it to 50 so now it’s your turn. Got any favorite movies or shows you’ve discovered? Leave me your gems in the comments. Happy Friday!