It’s not like I really needed the help to up the bizarre factor in my life – I’ve already had plenty of things that made me pause and cock my head.  But there’s no doubt about it: the arrival of children in our lives more than doubled my wtf moments.  Welcome to another edition of:

Things I Never Thought I’d Hear Myself Say

“Don’t poke the dog’s butt with the sword.  Seriously.  Don’t.”

“No, you really, truly are not getting a phone for Christmas.”

“How can you be disappointed?  I literally told you that you weren’t getting a phone for Christmas.  With actual words.  And hand gestures.”

“Why is the coffee maker sticky?  And the cabinet door above my head?”

“No, I can’t approve that app right now.  We’re on the interstate.”

“Be careful driving the go cart on the ice.”

(shoves handful of Doritos into mouth) “I have no idea why it smells like Fritos in here.  Oh, wait…that’s the dog.  The dog smells like Fritos.”

“Dear Baby Jesus, I’m sorry we use the word ‘suck’ so much.”

Interested in other peculiar moments in our crazy life?  Check out WHAT did I just say?!, Things I never thought I’d say… and Things I never thought I’d say, part 2 .